Getting tired of losing friend after friend.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Jemi200, Jul 17, 2009.

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  1. Jemi200

    Jemi200 Well-Known Member

    Have you ever felt like....

    these assholes who judge you when you're depressed and have no sympathy for you and leave you....... they are all the friends you've ever had, and not ONE has stuck with you because they really care.

    I think that all the time, I lost about 40 friends b/c of bipolar depression.

    Were these friends even worth it if they couldn't handle something that I already told them I was going to get one day?

    It's slim pickings of friends for me, for sure. Anyone had similar experiences?
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear about that. I don't think they were great friends to begin with if they didn't stick by you.

    I've lost several friends for various reasons. Well, I guess they weren't really friends either.

    I have 2 though who never judged me through my worst times, including taking advantage of their good nature. I guess I'm lucky that I still have them as friends although one moved a good 4 hours away and the other recently had a mild stroke.

    Sincere friends are evidently hard to come by as far as I can see.
  3. Jemi200

    Jemi200 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I just want to be so successful one day and they see me, and their jaws drop and thinking (I wanna be his friend now!)

    Only for me to completely ignore them :)
  4. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    Yes! I can definantly relate. I have no friends because of my depression and anxiety ( Im fairly certain that's why they left me).
    I'd think they're all real friends.. but when I need their help and need them to stick by me more than ever when I'm like that, but they just run away..
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I can TOTALLY relate to this Jemi200, that is my life to a tee, I have lost about the same amount of friends over about 5 years or so also.
    Now I am almost completely living in isolation, slowly becoming a recluse & the thought of actually making another friend really scares me.
    I feel like they said they could deal with how I am (I told them the truth from day one, never lied) but when push came to shove they really couldn't, so I guess I am angry with them for bolting at the first sign of trouble. But that's on the one hand.
    On the other hand I can't help but to think "why should they? Why should they have to deal with my crazy shit".
    It's all one big catch 22. :(

    I am now thinking my life will be so much easier if I try to make friends with people who are going through what I am going through. There's a lot to be said for empathy.
    If a friend calls me at 4am and says he/she is going to take an overdose, I am going to understand a lot more than most, because I know that could quite easily be me calling her/him at that time saying the same.
    When you can't move for the crippling depression, break plans, freak out and start randomly crying, flip out on someone, self harm, attempt suicide, drink yourself into a stupor, call someone and really need to talk it out... whatever the case may be. I just think life is a lot easier when you are calling somebody who 'gets it' then somebody who doesn't.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2009
  6. Jemi200

    Jemi200 Well-Known Member

    Good, but Linds I am always ready to make new friends since I get manic and I learned a ton of social skills from my manic stages. I'll see what happens soon, someone from my church asked me to go a 18-21 group that talks about stuff like this and God.

    Hopefully i'll meet some real people. Some caring people exist that don't have mental illness and know how to help though, I know that from my family and group of therapists.

    Good luck to you and I, posters!
  7. killtomorrow

    killtomorrow Well-Known Member

    know the feeling all too well.
    Maybe im just talking in anger but i dont think people like that deserve anybodys attention.fuck em all.
  8. Jemi200

    Jemi200 Well-Known Member

    I feel like that sometimes too, Kill
  9. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I can relate.
    You know, people are fickle & vain. Mental illness causes the individual to evolve on a different tangent to friends from the past. The average person is spooked by poverty and illness - they worry about being dragged down if they associate with such people. They have work to attend, money to make, socialising to do, expectations to meet, - they want to associate with healthy successful people thereby re-inforcing their own sense of ego and status.
    Having endured the hurt of subtle & unsubtle abandonment by friends, I think the individual can change their feelings towards the experience (& the people involved) by examining their own perceptions. For example, if the situation was reversed, I would probably have behaved in a similar fashion, because I knew no better. Almost everybody is crushed sometime whether it be illness, divorce, bereavement, etc; it's especially tough when it happens in ones youth, but it definitely opens your eyes up to the shallowness of society, and consequently can make the sufferer a genuinely kinder, non-judgemental, sensitive person - qualities that are often bereft in a dog eat dog world, but are precious and beautiful in the eyes of God.
    Best wishes. Mike.
  10. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Even if they weren't really friends in the end, 40 people.... wow. I think right now I have 2 friends. (Not counting my nice parents.)
  11. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    I'm alot like you. Several years back, i had a ton of friends and a strong social group. Then we all left for college, and i realized, that we'll probably never talk to each other again. So i dealt with it, i went to college made a new social group. But after a while my depression kicked in hardcore....i'd sleep for weeks, and not do anything. I'd ignore everyone and just sit in my room waiting to die.

    And one bothers with me. And i can't really make new friends cause i know, no matter how much fun we have (now), the day will come when i will push them away and they won't even try to stay by me.

    life seems entirely too hard sometimes...and i don't understand why i bother with it all.
  12. anhedonia

    anhedonia Member

    ^^ You bother because there will be better times to come. And do your friends know that you're depressive? Sometimes it might help if they know, and hence can be a bit more understanding when things are a bit awry...
  13. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I've had the same problem. I've had trouble making friends since I was a child and I'm 45 now. I was bullied and teased horribly. When I was a teen, I had girls who would pretend to be my friend and then humiliate me by either telling my secrets to other people or outright teasing me in front of everyone.

    I've never had trouble making friends with men, it's women. I'm an author and because we need to be visible, I've joined a number of author forums which are comprised mostly of women, but thought I was making friends with them. I've been there a year as well as other forums and it's like when I post something or respond to something, it gets brushed over. It's like they're real cliquey. When I try to joke like they do, I get ignored and they say a bunch of silly things everyone rushes to respond to them. Case and point, I had been gone while and came on posting about what I'd been up to and I got like two responses. Another lady came on a day after me (her and I have belonged to this forum for about the same amount of time and post about just as much) and told what she'd been up to and she gets like 15 responses. And it isn't just there, I could be out or part of a group and whether I'm silent or vocal or whatever, women are just very standoffish with me. It's happened a lot over the years and I've always done something to where they won't speak to me or they ignore me. I joke a lot and I don't usually share my depression with anyone. My last friend who was a guy, he left me when I began going through my depression. Then he came back into my life again. One day, my anxiety was hitting hard and I just wanted to get out of town and get away because I had been locked up in my room for so long. He tells me that I have to go through what I'm going through alone because he went through it. He's never gone through what I've been through. He never wanted to hear anything about my depressions or when I was having a hard time. He would always pull away. No two people's experience is alike. So I backed off and then I found him on Myspace and told him I was writing and working on some new music and wanted him to help me with my video. I didn't mention my depression or anything and he deleted my friend request. I was crushed. We were very close for like four years, so he wasn't some random associate. And it's always like that. I just feel so ignored most of the time. Like someone said about Facebook yesterday. Everyone posts these silly things all day, and if I post anything, I get ignored.

    My therapist said I need to back off the Internet and to not look to people so much. I wouldn't if I wasn't in a profession where I need to market myself. I'm a musician and a writer. If it was just something that happened over a few years then I could say, hey, I'm just part of the masses and that's the way it is. But this has happened in different forms my entire life. I don't want to bore everyone with each and every story, but I notice a pattern and every time I tell myself I'm going to get through it, the same thing happens again. Sometimes I feel like I've been absolutely cursed. It's almost supernatural. If I try to talk to my husband about my feelings, he claims I'm bringing him down, so I no longer tell him how I feel. You carry around this pain of loneliness and it feels almost as bad as a cancer that eats away at your heart. But you keep going and you wish you couldn't care less, but you can't. That's why I understand so well how someone could pull off on the side of the road and just put a bullet in their head. And then everyone wants to look back in retrospect about what they shoulda, coulda, woulda. Like they did with Michael Jackson. He was a child molesting, whackado to everyone and now these same people sing his praises.

    I came here because I needed to vent about this same thing because lately it's been worse. I'm always trying to befriend people and help people, I will go out of my way and then I get treated like a weirdo because I want to help them or get them together or have a party.

    Recently, I was helping a group last week and I found myself pulling away because I didn't know what to say to them. I tried to enter the conversation and most people will welcome you in, but I got the feeling like since they didn't know me, they didn't care what I had to say and didn't want to get to know me either. It felt so hostile. I was in the truck driving with one of the guys and I wanted to open up and be my usual self and I was biting my tongue thinking, he probably doesn't like me.

    I'm sorry and I didn't mean to hijack your thread, but I have like only one friend and she suffers depression like I do. She is like a sister to me because there were days when I was suffering so bad and no matter what she was doing, she would come over and just sit with me and watch some movies with me. People don't understand that when someone is going through their darkness, they may not necessarily want someone to talk to them, but just sitting there and being there is sometimes enough than someone giving you a lecture on how to get better. I don't think I will ever be better. I've tried many many things and I think this is just something I have to live with.

    So after all that, it isn't just you. Some of us really are lonely and we really hurt. But we keep going.

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