getting tired...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dontwannabeme, Feb 10, 2016.

  1. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    Hey all

    just throwing my mind out on the forums cause writing is the only thing that relieves my mind X)
    What can u do when something bad happend to keep going?
    When u tried evrything.
    Get a good job.
    buy your own house.
    have friends.
    And still for me it doesnt make life worthwhile.
    I miss my dad to mutch.
    I would do evrything to see him again,
    To make him coffee.
    To drive him to hospital even and sit there :)
    I always had trouble to keep going but he was always there evry min.
    Called evry day.
    When he passed away.
    Its like he took my last bit of hope of happiness away with him :(
    And i know he wants me to keep going.
    But whats the point.
    Ive seen people in ways u shouldnt.
    I know what people can do to each other.
    And i seen what people do when there alone :((think there alone)
    This world is a sick world.
    why do we torment ourselfs by wasting time on this world?
    Some people say u should go to god and ask him?
    My answer to that is where is god?
    God has never been there for me unless he made me survive the multi attempts i did.
    Why does he want me to keep suffering.
    So no i do not believe in god.
    As i would not want to believe someone can be that evil.
    I tried to help people the best i can.
    Offer money.
    Do things for them from doing shopping to drive miles and miles.
    Dealt with crisises of others.
    Or listen to them.
    In the end.
    You are alone in the world.
    and maybe if ur lucky u find that one person witch in my case was my dad .
    That is always there for u at any time at any need.
    No matter what.
    But that came to an end.
    and now im alone once again.
    I dunno how long i can keep fighting anymore.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *big hugs*

    First of all, I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you, and I'm sorry about the loss of your father.

    I understand that things like what you have been through can make you feel this way. It's not easy.
    I do hope you can find the will to fight somehow, what people have done to you doesn't have to rule your life forever. I am personally seeking therapy for what I went through because I've realized it doesn't go away on it's own.

    Adding grief to what else you have been put through is difficult, and once again I have to say I am sorry.

    You're always welcome to reach out to me as well. You don't have to be alone
  3. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    thnx :)

    same goes to u!
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    My Mom's mom died on Mother's day. She would always cry that day. Even years and years later. I never understood. Not until my parents died. It is the natural order of things. For parents to die and leave the living to their children. But it is so hard. So hard. I feel for you and your loss. But you are right. Your dad would want you to pick up the pieces and go on. To remember and treasure the good times you shared.

    Yep, this world can be incredibly ugly. I live near Seattle. There is a place they call the "Jungle". Many of the homeless camp their. Recently, three teenagers (age 13-17) gunned down 5 people there. Two died. They were trying to collect a drug debt for their mother. I won't list any more examples of the ugliness. There is no need.

    But there is good too. Like the two couples in my Church who are in their 90's and still love each other as deeply as when they first married. Like the firefighters who rescued the terrified German Shepard from a burning home. Like the dentist who gave me a discount on a crown when I had no insurance. Like a beautiful sunrise or sunset. An unusual cloud formation. The sound and smell of an ocean. Beauty does remain in this tarnished world. I hope you will be able to open your eyes to it again soon.
    dontwannabeme likes this.
  5. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    i agree sillyoldbear :)
    its just hard to sometimes find that hope somehwere out there :)