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Getting tired

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Hey, I'm new here and am pretty thankful to find this forum. No one I know really understands me but I think there will be some people on here who get how I feel. Everything in my life seems so pointless. I'm 18 and done high school but I haven't left for college yet even after being accepted because I'm scared to leave. I'm scared to go to a new place where I don't know anybody because I don't think I can make it. My life now, and for the last few years, has consisted of me just sitting around doing whatever I can to make the time pass. I have hobbies but no interest to go and do anything. I've got friends but we never do anything anymore, everyone's moving on with their life and I'm just stuck behind on my own. I'm just an average guy who's never had a serious gf. Recently I met a really great girl and I thought things were going great but she's got a lot of baggage and she confuses the hell out of me. She's basically giving me one last chance this week, at least that's the way she puts it. It's messed up, I feel like I have to prove myself to her or something and I'm not even sure I want to. She hasn't exactly been patient or understanding. One half of me wants to tell her to forget it but the other still has feelings for her. My life has just been one disappointment after another and this looks like it's going to be another. I've waited as long as I can, holding out for something good but I don't think I'm strong enough to go on much longer. I just can't shake this depression, the moods get longer and worser each time and I don't think I can beat it. I've already made two attempts on my life since I was 16 and both had me winding up in the hospital. I'm basically just waiting for the next time and I know I won't mess it up this time. I'm not really afraid, I actually have a feeling of relief somewhat because I know this pain could all end very soon. Well, that's my story. Not really sure what to expect now but it felt kinda good to get it out.
 
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