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getting to that point again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by frantic, Nov 22, 2012.

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  1. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    i don't knwo what's going on tonight. suddenly i'm feeling so incredibly depressed again. thinking getting out would be so much easier. nicer. more peaceful.

    i have to work tonight. on black friday. i'm scared. i have never left the house on black friday before. i don't know what to expect. i'm scared i'll screw up. i'm scared i got my shift wrong and i'm going to be late. i can't be late. ever. not even five minutes. i very much enjoy this job, right now it's the highlight of my life. i'm so scared i'll do something wrong tonight and lose this job. i just started three weeks ago, right after i got out of the hospital. i was told recently by a manager that they are all very impressed with me. i was hired as a seasonal worker, but there's a possibility of getting hired after that. i'm scared i won't get hired after the holidays. i love this job so much.
    i have to work until 9:15am tonight. i'm scared i'm not going to make it. i'm scared i'll fall asleep.
    i'm scared of the crowds. crowds scare me. not being able to move. being stuck. freaks me out.

    we're moving next week. selling our house. we need to box up everything. my husband won't help. he has packed three boxes so far. i do what i can, but i can't pack up the whole house by myself in one week, while working.

    sunday is my birthday. another freaking year older.

    my husband's pills are sitting in the bathroom. they almost killed me four weeks ago. i'm sure if i take some more this time it'll do the trick.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you are just overwhelmed hun You are letting your mind run away from you. All will be ok hun go to work get your mind on other things. If husband won't back they hell with him just throw stuff in truck the way it is Happy Birthday to you hun on Sunday You hun give the pills to your husband why does he leave things there in front of you.
    Call you doctor if need be to get something for your anxiety ok
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I surely know what it is like to talk myself into the way you sound...hopefully you will be safe and then you can add another accomplishment to your list...by the time you read this, you work night will be over so please let us know how it went...thinking of you and sending you well wishes
  4. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    getting ready for work now. putting on my makeup. it's like slipping into a different person.

    my husband used to lock up his pills. but now he doesn't do it anymore. i don't know why he won't do it now.

    being happy and smiley tonight is going to be so hard.

    my nine year old is still up, playing the wii. it's after midnight. i don't have the energy to tell himi to go to bed. i'll tell him when i leave.

    i feel like taking the pills with me, get through my shift, and then cross th efinish line.
  5. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Here is a great place to vent your fears and to speak and say what you're feeling. So in saying these things, you go to work and do your thing, and you won't screw up, these are just your fears, and those voices that tell us those things enjoy our turmoil, they feed off of it, so don't give them that pleasure. Just go and do your job. As for your old man, I'm with what TE said above, I'd pack up my stuff and tell him if he doesn't want to help, you're going to throw his stuff in the truck as is. Tell that kid of yours to go to bed. It's time to let everyone know who's boss.
  6. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    thanks guys. everything went fine and i had a great time at work, as usual (i really enjoy my job). now i'm really tired, but feel much better. my job is the best antidepressant. it's fun and i'm good at it.

    we do have a moving company for next week, but they get paid by the hour, plus their boxes are not cheap at all. so we're trying to get everything packed up by then (well, i am). but everything that's not packed up, they'll box up, it'll just end up costing more. but it's not the end of the world.
  7. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear it, sweetheart. Just keep going forward. You're going to be fine.
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