I haven't wanted to die in a long time, and I'm pretty sure this isn't what this is, but I'm trying to find a release for all of this pain and hurt I feel. I'm trying all that I can to not turn back to cutting, and so far it's worked, but I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. All I want is to go back to when this all was unreal and hadn't happened. I want to go back to when I was naive and didn't know better and loved it. I just want to get back to where I've been I miss being alive. I miss JKH. I miss being with J and feeling that happy. I miss being able to trust someone without having them break me down to do so. I miss my life, how do I get back to it?