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''Getting used to...''

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Silent7, Feb 28, 2009.

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  1. Silent7

    Silent7 Guest

    Some of you may know what I mean.. not the specifics that surround it, but the feeling, the acceptance as it surrounds and fills you.

    I look at everything I've done that has brought me to these moments I keep encouraging. I feel.. like I can be so much more, that there is no time here to breathe a real deep breath. All I do is breath enough to get to the next day, but it all seems like a haze. To what and for what are not the feelings and questions that burn deep inside of me. They are cast aside it seems like, because to bring them to light around other people in this atmosphere would simply taint them with this dull, irritaing, sheep like, push over, short sighted, empty worded life I feel I am living. .. but for me, it's the moments when I feel that contrast between the two, that I remmeber bits of who I am. More than the lame and monotonous questions and acts that come with every passing day of every passing moment. .. I can seperate them, see them for what they are. For a few moments I feel my Will again. Then it is overtaken by the vastness of, just getting used to this. The concept that these are feelings that will come and go. The concepts that are not of my own but that are of others. The fucking concepts that I hate but for some reason are starting to touch me and become possible. Yet they are no way mine. I detest them, but they appear, they touch my thoughts and feelings and for fuck sakes I hate their essence. This pathetic acceptance that I am feeling. This mind numbing, Will tameing submission. I hate getting used to this. I hate every moment of it. Yet I love many moments of the people I am with. It's so conflicting. Brings me to my own questions..

    Sometimes I wonder what suicide is, .. sometimes I wonder if it's just getting used to it.

    yes.. I know the cold hard fact of suicide, but that begins its birth in us at different places and in different ways. ..

    you know what sucks for me. Being responsible for other people and being loved by other people.

    No ones home, and sadly, when they come back, I won't be inside. Funny how peacful solitude is for thoughts, and our being. .. for me atleast

    Donno... thanks for reading the ramble. Just thought, .. I needed to say something, for myself
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just wanted you to know you were heard and I am sending big hugs, J
  3. Silent7

    Silent7 Guest

    thanks sadeyes
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