Getting worse and worse...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by accss, May 12, 2012.

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  1. accss

    accss New Member

    Hello, recently my thoughts of suicide have become more and more frequent and I have began to humor the idea that I would be able to escape before I actually died, just to see how painful it would be...

    I guess it all started about a month ago after I got dumped, went through all the normal phases as you do. However I keep repeating them over and over constantly.
    One second I will be accepting of what happened, half hour latter i'll just be depressed, another half hour later I'll be self-harming, one more half an hour later and i'll be contemplating suicide and then I'd spend some time trying to convince myself to gather the courage to do it. The only thing that keeps me from ever going through with it or at least at the moment is the thought of how much grief it would cause my family. My self-harm is gradually increasing in severity as is my depression.

    At times I'm not even sure how I feel anymore, I just want to end everything. I have an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday but honestly that's a long time away.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi accss if you have to you call and see if you can get earlier appt or go to emergency and see in on call doc ok You deserve kindness hun compassion not this sh You need some councilling some therapy to help you get passed this rejection. You can find better for yourself ok hugs
     
  3. accss

    accss New Member

    Hi, Thanks for replying :)

    Sadly getting an earlier appointment is impossible as the surgery where I live is always booked up, as for going to A&E/ER what would I even say to them? and how would they treat me? I've heard some people being treated very rudely when going for self-harm injuries and similar things.
    Thanks for your support.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just checking in and please let us know how your appointment goes...hope you find some way to deal with the grief, but also know, that this is a new wound, which takes time to heal from
     
  5. accss

    accss New Member

    I know that in time I will more than likely be fine, but the thought of if I cant get past this is horrible.

    My parents saw that I had been cutting again today (They knew I had done previously but thought I had stopped) and did nothing but get angry at me and ignore me, I just wish they'd actually try and understand that it gives me some relief from my thoughts even though it is a somewhat destructive way of relief yelling at me and being spiteful towards me is just making me feel worse.
     
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