I have struggled with self harm for a long time, so long I don't even know how long it has been. I do know that 2-1/2 years ago I quit, though it didn't last and this Feb. I couldn't take it anymore. Before it ranged from scratching just enough to bleed to shallow cuts and was confined completely to my thighs. It stayed that way for years, and I was lucky to escape with only a few scars. This time it is different. I have to do more. I have to cut more. I feel like a caged animal if I don't. I thought if I could do it just long enough for something to give, just long enough for some stress to go away that I would be ok. It would be ok. I was wrong. In six months I have gone from a few cuts here and there, to lots and lots a day, worse than ever before. A few days ago I ran out of space on my thighs, and it felt like the worst day of my life. I am mad at myself that I let it get this far, mad that I still hurt inside. I worthless and disgusting, how could anyone that wasn't do this to themselves. I still want to feel the blood running down, to see it and feel better for a little while. But I know if I do in an hour I'll hate myself and in two it will hurt so bad that I want to do it again. I don't know what else to do, how else to give myself even a moments relief, but I don't want to cut somewhere else that people will see. Though me seeing them makes me feel worse. I am stuck and alone.