Getting worse....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Yoda, Sep 11, 2010.

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  1. Yoda

    Yoda Member

    Hey ppl...

    first of all sry for the possible bad english in this thread, english is not my first language.

    so i was inspired by a previous thread that mxl wrote and felt that i should also give some background info about me and by current situation.

    So im a 22 year old male from Sweden, currently unemployed and living at home.

    I have some rough years behind me going back mabye 7-8 years, i think its middle school or mabye "junior high" that its called the US that my problems started, i was the outcast of the class....always picked last in everything.

    In high school when i was 15-17 years old this continued basicly the same way.

    so at this point im 18-20 and im in "college"..... i might have messed up the different school names here but nvm u get the picture.....anyways this is the time i started to get better, i really enjoyed this and worked hard to get good grades and i finished school with a great job and decent grades.

    But not soon after i finished school i began to fall back to my old state of mind again, but then came my military service....i dreaded the day, but i came around and started to think of the military as a fresh start in my life, new people and being away from home.

    Then the day came when my military service started, and ofcourse i went right back to my school instincts and became the outcast that hardly said anything to anyone exept when spoken to. But as i said before i went in to the military feeling depressed and somewhat suicidal.

    So the first field training came..... a week of -40 degrees temp and hard mental fatigue.......i had a mental break down and for the first time i spoke to someone how i really felt.

    I was sent to a therapist and was almost sent home, but i decided to tough it out because i knew that going home would only make it worse. I stayed the entire 11 months but at the end they submitted me to the military hospital and took my rifle away from me due to a incident i had.

    This was now almost 2 years ago and im seeing a therapist on a regular basis, but as far as i can tell its not working. Well its working a bit since now a days i dont always have the suicidal feelings but the days i do have them is really tough to get through. :sad:

    I think thats it, probably missed alot of things but that a basic story of my life.
  2. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    awww well thanks for posting, sorry its took so long to get back to you. Sounds like youve had a tough time of it of late. To be fair your english aint as bad as some people on here so :biggrin:

    If you need to talk send me a PM or just post on here. Im normally floating around somewhere
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