First time I have ever gone this far. I am very logical person so I usually plan things to help me carry them out. I feel like inside, I have been at my favorite teams game and they are getting slaughtered and I leave in the third quarter cause I have seen enough. Life feels like that, I have seen enough and want to leave early. Nothing gives me enjoyment, every day is a burden. I feel guilty for feeling this way but cannot turn it off, it is painful. I am sure all of you know this already. Being a robot until I am 70 and die of some hideous disease is not the way I want to go, nor is it fair to anyone around me, at least I can go on my terms, when I feel happy, not desperate. If I can get an hour of complete happiness, going out like that would be wonderful.