Girl becoming bartender

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Gregor, Sep 9, 2011.

  1. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    So last night a girl I really like told me she is getting a job a bartender. I told her this was great news since she really needed to find a job but deep down I am extremely worried. I have heard stories of people who have lost girlfriends because they were bartenders.

    I'm worried that she is going to constantly be getting hit on by guys and she is a naturally flirtatious girl herself who doesn't think that having sex is really that big of a deal. Considering that her and I aren't officially together, there'd be nothing holding her back from hooking up with someone.

    It's not that she's easy or slutty, but I figure with all these guys wanting her, there's bound to be some she's going to want to get with too. And what's stopping her? Nothing.

    Do I have a right to be concerned about this job becoming a roadblock to her and I ending up together?
  2. If you truly like this girl, than understand, she NEEDS a job. I highly doubt this was the 'career choice' of hers, so it's not as though she is doing this hoping to get hit on. She just wants money, to do things she wants, to get things she needs. I don't think you can come between her and this job, because it's simply not your choice, but I think that if you are very concerned about it, than you should definitely let your feelings out soon...because even though she isn't looking for any extra attention, she will be sure to receive it. You shouldn't let that make you jealous, because that just comes with the job...alcohol and a flirty sweet woman, it just will happen. It WILL happen. It's not to say she will let it lead to anything, seriously, she must realize it's just a job, and if she let every guy who flirt with her in her bed, than well that's just not going to happen. If you get my point. So, maybe one night, a really handsome man comes in, and that leads to something. What will it lead to? Not a relationship, most likely, something for a night, something exciting. It's not going to make it any harder for you to be with her, if she is truly someone you see yourself with. Just don't expect her to be 'faithful' when she doesn't even know.

    You two are probably close, so it might be a little surprising, but you should just tell her. It's not your right to roadblock her getting a job, especially if you don't have another one, well paying, lined up for her. If you could do that, THAN you could tell her not to...but if not, than just don't be jealous, it's just another job. She's not saying she wants to be a stripper, than you might want to be a little more concerned. Bar-tending is decent wages, AMAZING tips, it's not as bad as it sounds, and in most establishments, now-a-days the supplier can't drink the supply...meaning if it's a well organized bar, she wont be able to drink and wont be under the influence so she'll be able to be level headed.

    Good luck with this girl, but just open up. Tell her how you feel, before you don't get the chance to.
  3. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Hey thanks for the in-depth reply. She does know how I feel already. I'm pretty sure she also likes me, but she is hesitant to get into a committed relationship because she thinks I'll get jealous/too needy. Perhaps me worrying over this is a sign she has a point! (though I told her I'm really glad she got this job lol). She said she's worried that if it happened, it would ultimately end up badly. I need time to show her that our relationship could work.

    So obviously I can't tell her how I really feel about this because it would just give her more of a reason to not be with me. I have hope that if we take it slow like she's suggested, we'll be together.

    Since you obviously seem to know what you're talking about, here is some more information: she says its not a full-fledged bar but "one of those poker places." She says its like a mini-store with a bar that also has lottery machines or something. She did say she'd be getting tips and its a bar where people hang out so I have no idea what kind of place shes talking about lol.

    And she has actually mentioned wanting to be a bartender before lol.
  4. LetMeBeMe

    LetMeBeMe Active Member

    Im a bartender... And like your friend very flirtatious, and sex isnt that big of a deal to me. Ive been working there for about 4 months, and been with my boyfriend for 6. Yes, working in a environment where there are drunk guys means you will get hit on.. Or people will try to feel you up. Really though when yoiur completely sober and looking at the prospect of having to clean up this guys vomit, going home with them not really the first idea that comes to your head...
  5. :) I like that last sentence of LetMeBeMe's post so much, :) really, bar-tending will not be what takes a tole on a relationship, all that matters is the truth about the relationship. You said yourself, that she might have a point, and so just look at it this way. What do you really want out of her? That real deep, be together forever love? If you want that, than it's not going to matter what she does. You have to accept her for who she is, what she does, and not try to change that, because than, you aren't wanting her, you are just trying to fulfill that place you've created. You know, despite how your heart pulls to her, doesn't mean you HAVE to be together. People are misguided and end up with regret and anger towards mistakes they made in the field of love, every second of every day. I'd say, figure out your life, than figure out the love.

    Every girl wants a man who is sure of where he is going, if you are sure you want to be with her, than make it very clear, and if she can't accept it, than you shouldn't wait. It ends in heartbreak hun.
  6. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    Nope;Because the girl in question is not your girlfriend and has told you point blank that she is not interested in entering a relationship with you and
    not to mention what job she has and what goes on in her life inside work is really none of your business.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 9, 2011
  7. Chameleon76

    Chameleon76 Well-Known Member

    Out of curiousity.........what is your relationship with her like now? Meaning, how long have you been friends and how often do you see her?
  8. Chameleon76

    Chameleon76 Well-Known Member

    That's a bit harsh, don't ya think?
  9. Gregor

    Gregor Active Member

    Yeah I thought it was a bit harsh, especially considering this is a forum for suicidal people so obviously I am posting here because I am already pretty down on myself. >_> I wasn't asking if I had the right to stop her, I was just asking if I was right to be concerned about what it would lead to based on MY feelings. Being with her or not wouldn't effect how I felt now would it?

    And our relationship is good. I talk to her everyday (pretty much) and we talk for hours online as well. We've been friends for about a year but we only recently got really close in like March/April which was around the time I told her I liked her. Since then, we have become way closer than we were.