To start off, yes I'm a bad person for doing this. I see this now. For the rest, I will tell you a story in third person. (doing this makes it more objective)
(please excuse my corny way of writing... it's the only way I know to write stories)
There was once a boy. Let's call him José. Andy used to be a care free soul, without a worry in the world. All of that came crashing down one fateful day when his father, Pedro, was murdered. From then on, he couldn't trust any person with anything. Nobody could poke him in the side. He didn't understand sarcasm. Feelings were like algorithms. He was the most jumpy kid you had ever seen. Nobody could make quick movements around him. He would freak out "over nothing" and overreact. This went on for about 6 years until he started attending a vocational school. The school name isn't important. Anyway, he started at this school, nervous as ever. Nothing could have matched how nervous he was. His confidence was at an all time low, and he knew one or two people in his new class. The very first day, not everyone is there. About 10 minutes into class, a girl walks in. As his eyes caught hers, there was an instant connection. Later on, during class out in lab, he is sitting at his desk when all of a sudden this girl (we will call her Brittaney for now) tackles him from behind. He is freaking out while the girl is latched onto his back, and eventually realizes it is her and is instantly sated. They sit down, and talk for about an hour as lab went on. They made a strong bond that day. That one fateful day... it all began.
The second day brought about class-wide discussions such as what all typical teenagers do. Love, money, and the who's who of the school. Eventually, the topic comes around about love. Everybody who is taking part in the discussion except for José had a significant other. Brittaney sees this and starts dropping hint bomb after hint bomb. She was all over José, like ugly on an ape. This continued for 4 months until something serious happened. Brittaney had just been in a verbal fight with her boyfriend (let's call him Big Ben for now) and had broken up with him. She did this on purpose, and José wanted to seize the opportunity (even though she lived over 60 miles away) so he made his move (although sloppily) and started on the topic of rebounding. She wasn't interested until about a week later and actually started talking about new relationships. She was talking about all of these guys (in true female fashion, to create intense jealousy and reel a man in) and José lost it. He told Brittaney that he wanted to come over some time. And meant it. She gets back with Big Ben the next day; José is crushed and forever alone, and she hasn't changed her attitude. This goes on for 2 more months until José finally gets his vehicle to take her home. Near the end of the school year, they finally make the trip to her house. What happened set a chain of events that would explode over the next school year. Big Ben and José finally met each other. It was instant friendship (they had so much in common yet they were so different, it was perfect for a friendship) and José grew more and more uncomfortable until finally Brittaney dropped the atom bomb of "why the HELL did you just say that?!?!?!?!!?!!?!???!!!?!?!?!?!?12@" and said "Yeah, babe... I almost replaced you with this guy right here!" without blinking once. He shrugs it off, because José obviously didn't pose a threat to his Alpha-ness. Things start to cool down between José and Brittaney until the next school year. They don't talk much over the summer, and José has his own little mini-love interests off to the side. His eyes are opened to the gold that is before them as the next school year starts, and he had been put in gear for some serious change. His first confidence boost started with getting second place in a state contest. With this new found confidence... the tale gets deeper.
The new school year begins, everyone is on time, and before class starts, Brittaney tackles José and rains down upon him about how much she missed him and everyone. Class goes on as normal for 3 months into the year, until she gets pregnant. She is devastated, and heartbroken. José provides support and comfort for Brittaney, like a true friend. As the year closes, she has the baby and moves out and grows up. They lived in the same apartment they are in right now. Anyway, the story takes a dramatic turn. The very first day that she is alone with him in a room with nothing holding them back for expressing their true feelings for each other... she almost kisses him. Since he is now hooked on this girl, without a doubt, he travels the distance to see her every week. This goes on for a few weeks until one day when she was dropping subtle hints for him to kiss her. Eventually, the moments of laying together on the couch lead to a passionate (yet sloppy) kiss. She does the worst thing possible that a woman can do to a man: she laughed and asked him what just happened. [on a side note, this made José VERY uncomfortable] They laugh it off, and he goes home. A week passes and he is back in the apartment with her, alone (besides the baby) and they end up snuggling on the couch together. One thing led to another and love was sparked. He was head over heels for this girl. He would do ANYTHING for her. He comes back a few days later, and repeated this charade until she went a little further. (I'm sure we're all mature enough to know the gist of what happened, so I'm going to spare the detail.)
She was the one. She was the goddess of his run down world. Her everything was his all. There was something here that you had to look twice at. It was beautiful. And then, that day where it all came crashing down. (excuse the language) Shit hit the fan. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened. Big Ben's mother had died. Brittaney never had a mother that loved her (long story short, her mother abused her and the whole reason that Brittaney got pregnant is because her mother went into psycho mode and took all of her pills away from her for a week.) so this little unfortunate incident only strengthened their relationship. Exactly the opposite of what he was trying to do. Brittaney called José over one day, and told him straight out that she had put everything on the line: her kid, her friends, her fiancé... and didn't want to do it any more. As the story ends, currently, she is trying to scrape him off of her shoe on something that nobody will see. This devastates him when he finds out that her intent is to cut their relationship deep so it won't manifest while Big Ben is alive. She constantly tried to get him to come stay at their apartment while Big Ben is there with her (needless to say, this is NOT going to happen while I'm there) and it all pans out normally. They don't do anything, and José runs with his tail between his legs. She tried this again. Didn't work. José said no to staying over and made it clear as to the reason. She puts the guilt trip on him and (this expression is over used) drops the mother of all mistakes right on his bare foot: she says she is getting married (he knew this, but it is different when you're young, blind, and "invincible") and he loses it.
You're all pretty much caught up on what's happening... going to first person now.
At the moment, I come to find that every day, I grow more and more intolerant of her. She played me good. Good and hard. I've hit a place I've never been to, save for once. Nothing will be the same. I hate her and love her at the same time. When I don't talk to her I grow intense hatred for her and her fiancé. INTENSE. I've contemplated many things... all of which were big mistakes waiting to happen. The last thing on my mind has finally surfaced: suicide. They are getting married at the end of this month. I have a month to find out what I want to do. I've tried venting to friends. It makes me feel better for about 10 or so minutes, but then I stop talking to them and I get to thinking alone a lot. This is bad for me at the moment. I've had some sick twisted thoughts in the last couple of days... for both Big Ben and myself. I want help, but I want control. I feel like if I lose control of this situation, the only way out is the cowards way. What can I do in order to get away from her, but still be her friend? I've done it before (except it was on a lesser scale, but that girl had some problems with untreated manic-depression) but I think I've gone beyond the point of no return with this, and I can either abandon it (don't want to do this. if I abandon something this big, I will start abandoning everything that I can't seem to finish) go with it (I think I would rather die) stop it (she would hate me) tell him about us (he would kill me, and would destroy the life of a beautiful young girl. I know what it's like to grow up with no father, not to mention what he would do to her if he couldn't forgive her. she's done it to him in the past, but not as far as I got with her.) or I could end it all. Those are my choices, and I'm sticking to it. The one thing I want most is to have her and hold her and tell her I love her every chance I get. I have nothing to live for. I have no job, no college yet, my money from victims of crime won't come for another 3 years (if I die, it would go straight to my mother) my friends are all probably bored of me because I'm hung up over some girl... and to boot, stuff is falling apart at home. the cats have fleas, I'm out of money (until I sell my car) and I can't get a job for a little while. There's nothing I enjoy in life because I threw it all out for her. I didn't do it on purpose, it just kind of happened. I'm going all ADD on this post now so if there are any questions or anyone wants more details... I will be glad to post them. Please don't judge me
(please excuse my corny way of writing... it's the only way I know to write stories)
There was once a boy. Let's call him José. Andy used to be a care free soul, without a worry in the world. All of that came crashing down one fateful day when his father, Pedro, was murdered. From then on, he couldn't trust any person with anything. Nobody could poke him in the side. He didn't understand sarcasm. Feelings were like algorithms. He was the most jumpy kid you had ever seen. Nobody could make quick movements around him. He would freak out "over nothing" and overreact. This went on for about 6 years until he started attending a vocational school. The school name isn't important. Anyway, he started at this school, nervous as ever. Nothing could have matched how nervous he was. His confidence was at an all time low, and he knew one or two people in his new class. The very first day, not everyone is there. About 10 minutes into class, a girl walks in. As his eyes caught hers, there was an instant connection. Later on, during class out in lab, he is sitting at his desk when all of a sudden this girl (we will call her Brittaney for now) tackles him from behind. He is freaking out while the girl is latched onto his back, and eventually realizes it is her and is instantly sated. They sit down, and talk for about an hour as lab went on. They made a strong bond that day. That one fateful day... it all began.
The second day brought about class-wide discussions such as what all typical teenagers do. Love, money, and the who's who of the school. Eventually, the topic comes around about love. Everybody who is taking part in the discussion except for José had a significant other. Brittaney sees this and starts dropping hint bomb after hint bomb. She was all over José, like ugly on an ape. This continued for 4 months until something serious happened. Brittaney had just been in a verbal fight with her boyfriend (let's call him Big Ben for now) and had broken up with him. She did this on purpose, and José wanted to seize the opportunity (even though she lived over 60 miles away) so he made his move (although sloppily) and started on the topic of rebounding. She wasn't interested until about a week later and actually started talking about new relationships. She was talking about all of these guys (in true female fashion, to create intense jealousy and reel a man in) and José lost it. He told Brittaney that he wanted to come over some time. And meant it. She gets back with Big Ben the next day; José is crushed and forever alone, and she hasn't changed her attitude. This goes on for 2 more months until José finally gets his vehicle to take her home. Near the end of the school year, they finally make the trip to her house. What happened set a chain of events that would explode over the next school year. Big Ben and José finally met each other. It was instant friendship (they had so much in common yet they were so different, it was perfect for a friendship) and José grew more and more uncomfortable until finally Brittaney dropped the atom bomb of "why the HELL did you just say that?!?!?!?!!?!!?!???!!!?!?!?!?!?12@" and said "Yeah, babe... I almost replaced you with this guy right here!" without blinking once. He shrugs it off, because José obviously didn't pose a threat to his Alpha-ness. Things start to cool down between José and Brittaney until the next school year. They don't talk much over the summer, and José has his own little mini-love interests off to the side. His eyes are opened to the gold that is before them as the next school year starts, and he had been put in gear for some serious change. His first confidence boost started with getting second place in a state contest. With this new found confidence... the tale gets deeper.
The new school year begins, everyone is on time, and before class starts, Brittaney tackles José and rains down upon him about how much she missed him and everyone. Class goes on as normal for 3 months into the year, until she gets pregnant. She is devastated, and heartbroken. José provides support and comfort for Brittaney, like a true friend. As the year closes, she has the baby and moves out and grows up. They lived in the same apartment they are in right now. Anyway, the story takes a dramatic turn. The very first day that she is alone with him in a room with nothing holding them back for expressing their true feelings for each other... she almost kisses him. Since he is now hooked on this girl, without a doubt, he travels the distance to see her every week. This goes on for a few weeks until one day when she was dropping subtle hints for him to kiss her. Eventually, the moments of laying together on the couch lead to a passionate (yet sloppy) kiss. She does the worst thing possible that a woman can do to a man: she laughed and asked him what just happened. [on a side note, this made José VERY uncomfortable] They laugh it off, and he goes home. A week passes and he is back in the apartment with her, alone (besides the baby) and they end up snuggling on the couch together. One thing led to another and love was sparked. He was head over heels for this girl. He would do ANYTHING for her. He comes back a few days later, and repeated this charade until she went a little further. (I'm sure we're all mature enough to know the gist of what happened, so I'm going to spare the detail.)
She was the one. She was the goddess of his run down world. Her everything was his all. There was something here that you had to look twice at. It was beautiful. And then, that day where it all came crashing down. (excuse the language) Shit hit the fan. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened. Big Ben's mother had died. Brittaney never had a mother that loved her (long story short, her mother abused her and the whole reason that Brittaney got pregnant is because her mother went into psycho mode and took all of her pills away from her for a week.) so this little unfortunate incident only strengthened their relationship. Exactly the opposite of what he was trying to do. Brittaney called José over one day, and told him straight out that she had put everything on the line: her kid, her friends, her fiancé... and didn't want to do it any more. As the story ends, currently, she is trying to scrape him off of her shoe on something that nobody will see. This devastates him when he finds out that her intent is to cut their relationship deep so it won't manifest while Big Ben is alive. She constantly tried to get him to come stay at their apartment while Big Ben is there with her (needless to say, this is NOT going to happen while I'm there) and it all pans out normally. They don't do anything, and José runs with his tail between his legs. She tried this again. Didn't work. José said no to staying over and made it clear as to the reason. She puts the guilt trip on him and (this expression is over used) drops the mother of all mistakes right on his bare foot: she says she is getting married (he knew this, but it is different when you're young, blind, and "invincible") and he loses it.
You're all pretty much caught up on what's happening... going to first person now.
At the moment, I come to find that every day, I grow more and more intolerant of her. She played me good. Good and hard. I've hit a place I've never been to, save for once. Nothing will be the same. I hate her and love her at the same time. When I don't talk to her I grow intense hatred for her and her fiancé. INTENSE. I've contemplated many things... all of which were big mistakes waiting to happen. The last thing on my mind has finally surfaced: suicide. They are getting married at the end of this month. I have a month to find out what I want to do. I've tried venting to friends. It makes me feel better for about 10 or so minutes, but then I stop talking to them and I get to thinking alone a lot. This is bad for me at the moment. I've had some sick twisted thoughts in the last couple of days... for both Big Ben and myself. I want help, but I want control. I feel like if I lose control of this situation, the only way out is the cowards way. What can I do in order to get away from her, but still be her friend? I've done it before (except it was on a lesser scale, but that girl had some problems with untreated manic-depression) but I think I've gone beyond the point of no return with this, and I can either abandon it (don't want to do this. if I abandon something this big, I will start abandoning everything that I can't seem to finish) go with it (I think I would rather die) stop it (she would hate me) tell him about us (he would kill me, and would destroy the life of a beautiful young girl. I know what it's like to grow up with no father, not to mention what he would do to her if he couldn't forgive her. she's done it to him in the past, but not as far as I got with her.) or I could end it all. Those are my choices, and I'm sticking to it. The one thing I want most is to have her and hold her and tell her I love her every chance I get. I have nothing to live for. I have no job, no college yet, my money from victims of crime won't come for another 3 years (if I die, it would go straight to my mother) my friends are all probably bored of me because I'm hung up over some girl... and to boot, stuff is falling apart at home. the cats have fleas, I'm out of money (until I sell my car) and I can't get a job for a little while. There's nothing I enjoy in life because I threw it all out for her. I didn't do it on purpose, it just kind of happened. I'm going all ADD on this post now so if there are any questions or anyone wants more details... I will be glad to post them. Please don't judge me