Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by peaches23, Apr 14, 2007.

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  1. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    I met this girl 2 weeks ago on the internet. We talked on the internet for a few weeks while trying to meet until we finally met. She didn't seem as shy as she came off on the internet, but she was nice to be around. When we first started talking she had always talked about some guy on the internet which I found a little weird that someone would even tell you this, and also meantioned that she was somehow confused/bi. The girl who was her girlfriend (that girl asked her out) with started about a week before I came into the picture and I became friends with that girl as well. After about another week we started going out and she choose me after some confusion and other things over the other girl as someone to date. Finally last night we had what I think was probably the most akward sex I have ever had and when I brought her home she was acting really weird. She then told me this morning that she was in love with this guy she knew on the internet only and she told him what happened. She told me so many things which gave me almost no reason to believe that she didn't genuinely like me and put forth many gestures by herself first. She told me that last night was a mistake and I seriously feel sick like I never have before. I feel like I want to throw up, because I am physically sick. I wasn't in love with her or anything, but the way that I was mislead and then the way things played out... I'm not even sure how to express myself. She said she felt like an empty shell and I just want to escape whatever this is...

    I want to love... but I don't know if that will ever happen...
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2007
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry that you ended up in such a confused situation.

    It sounds like this girl was very confused about what she wanted. It is entirely possible that she did care for both of you and didn't know what she wanted. I'm sorry that she chose the time she did to tell you about the situation she was in. But be glad that she did tell you the truth, and didn't lead you on any further.

    Internet relationships can often be rather hard and can take a lot of fight to make it work.

    Maybe what you need to do is to try and get some closure with this girl. When you can bear to, maybe try to find out what happened, etc, why she did what she did. It might help you to close this situation and move forward from it.

    Try not to base all potential relationships on this experience, they will not all be like this.

    Maybe you could try to meet girls in other circumstances, like maybe join some clubs to meet people with similar interests.

    Hang in there honey
  3. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    I've never had a girlfriend before... I've been sexually involved with one other girl, but she was only involved for the same reason which is why I left that. I wonder all day what is wrong with me, if it's my personality or how I look, or what... How do you change yourself when it is yourself that you do not like? I'm not sure if I feel depressed... I look at death almost logically. If I am unable to function as an integral part of society I may only be a bane to progress. I'm not sure if I would ever kill myself, but I always think about it...
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    There is nothing wrong with you.

    You might feel that it is an internal thing, that something is wrong with you, but maybe it is that this girl is scared of commitment, or something like that. Maybe the girl is the one with the problem. I certainly can't see why it would be anything to do with anything about you. She clearly liked you to be with you for a bit, but maybe she got scared.

    What is it about you that you do not like?

    Why do you think you are not an integral part of society?

    Death is not logical. If you think about it a lot, maybe it is worth going to the doctor to get some support for it.

    If you feel that you have no purpose, why not find a purpose. Do something like volunteer work, or find a job that you love and feel you can achieve at. Most likely if you can find a purpose, your confidence and self esteem might improve which could help your social situation.

    Take care of yourself.
  5. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    I almost don't feel comfortable when people are happy. I can try and be a part of it, but for the most part I only feel comfortable when people are unhappy or depressed.

    I'm going to school to get a degree... I just don't think a job is living for me... I want to live for a person to make them happy so I can be happy.

    I also ask lots of weird questions in conversations, some people tell me that I'm much more enjoyable when I'm under the influence of some drug... I dunno... the problem is a lot of this doesn't feel weird to me, but to everyone else... I feel like I don't belong here sometimes. I don't know why I have so much difficulty feeling comfortable around people or going out of my way to meeting people. I'll never meet anyone the way I am and I have no clue how to change.
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I don't see why you can't meet someone being the way you are. Surely the best people for you are the people that find you attractive being the true person you are, not someone that you think people want to be.

    You seem to feel socially awkward, there might well be classes for people with social difficulties. Maybe you could see if there is anything that might help you in social situations. Maybe if you could learn what is and is not socially acceptable (with regards to questions and stuff), that might help you.

    Can I ask, and please don't take offense, do you have Aspergers Syndrome or anything like that? I only ask because being socially challenged is part of that syndrome.

    What is it about unhappy and depressed people that makes you feel comfortable? Could you maybe join a support group for people with depression or something? You might find you feel safe there and also you might find it helpful for how you feel. Also, it would be a good way to meet other people, and hopefully make some friends.
  7. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    I was reading about 'Aspergers Syndrome.' I've never been to see any professional, but the symptoms of that disease don't seem to describe me very well... I almost feel bipolar sometimes, I can be very happy or in these states of self loathing... I think the only thing that will make me happy is to meet someone I can love...

    Maybe I will look for some clubs to join.
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    People often have a set idea of what will make them happy, but often when they get it, it's still not enough to make them happy.

    Having material goods often doesn't make someone happy. It doesn't settle the inner turmoil, even if it temporarily eases it.

    Have you been to a doc about it?
  9. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    No, I don't have the money and I'm not sure I much like mental health professionals. They'll just end up prescribing some medication for what they think is wrong with you, file you then you go away. I'm not sure what I think of mental health issues...
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Ok, I'll accept that you don't have enough money, and that's fair enough, but the rest of what you said sounds like someone who is pretty uneducated about mental health problems, and also someone who is scared of what help they may or may not receive.

    Most mental health professionals are not likely to file you back on the shelf. Most doctors will want to see you regularly to see how you are doing. They don't just prescribe meds, they can sort out therapy, and help you with exercise plans, and whatever you need to help you feel better.

    Maybe, with regards to mental illness, you could research it on the web.
  11. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    I have taken three college level class regarding psychology... I don't know... I just don't know how I'd feel about visiting one.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Getting support and help is TOTALLY different from taking psych classes, although you clearly know some stuff related to psychology.

    What concerns do you have about visiting a professional? (don't feel you have to say of course)
  13. rakhen

    rakhen Member

    it does help just talking to someone who is totally removed from your circumstances and most professionals genuinely care about you. also if there are aspects of management that you dont like, you can always come to an understanding with them..

    the very act of seeking help can be very cathartic.
  14. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    To an extent I feel like if I am so lost that I need to speak to a professional about it then I cannot live with myself. I cannot admit that there is something so fundamentally wrong with myself... I want to run from such an idea in hopes of some day I'll be able to fix whatever is wrong with me. I feel like I am on a clock and there isn't much time left for me to fix whatever is wrong with me, but I don't know what happens when the time runs out...
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Going to a doctor does not mean that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. It means that you are probably ill, and most likely the doctor would be able to offer you the right help and support to get better. It works the same as any illness, athsma, diabetes, glandular fever, anything like that. Mental illness has the same principles as physical illness, they are not that different.

    It does not make you lost, it makes you finding a way to try and make yourself better.

    I'm not sure that you have the necessary expertise and knowledge to be able to help yourself properly. Think that doctors have trained for many years and have many tools at their disposal to help.

    If you are not willing to get professional, what about self help books. I have a good one about CBT. Maybe that might be of interest (if you want the details, let me know). You could search for different books that might help you.
  16. peaches23

    peaches23 Member

    Hm... I don't think I have time to be depressed right now... I have too much homework I'm behind on... I'll check back here later - thankyou for your help Scum it is appreciated...

    I'll see what I can do to better myself as a human.
  17. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    No one really wants illness, but not having time doesn't stop it, it might just make you deny it, and the longer it goes on, the more potential there is for it to get worse.

    Good luck doing your homework.

    Hang in there and look after yourself
  18. Dave303

    Dave303 Well-Known Member

    Hi I think part of the way to avoid this problem is to be with one person for life. That's something to consider my friend.
  19. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    this reminds me of something someone said about internet girls, "psycho". maybe not.
    but this is a classic example of why pre marital sex saps energy, waste of time, destructive force.
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