My girlfriend is in the ICU ward of Bayview hospital in Baltimore, MD. She has a malignant brain tumor and they have apparently given up hope on her. We had a long distance relationship for 8 months, frequently driving and flying to meet and 34 days ago I moved to be close to her so that we could start a new life together. Both of us had suffered through terrible marriages for years, and we finally had our chance to be happy. I have never been as close to anyone as I am to her, not even my kids, my parents, brothers or sisters, no other relationship has even came close. We were truly soul mates. We were to be married on September 21, our one year anniversary of first meeting each other, the most wonderful weekend of my life to that point. On the very day that I moved here to be with her, I had to take her to the ER because of a bad headache, confusion and lack of balance. They found the brain tumor, now only 34 days later they have practically given her a death sentence. It appears only a miracle will pull her through. I don't want to go on without her, I had a brief but wonderful few months of true happiness for the first time since I was a kid, and that is being cruelly taken away in a seeming instant. I do not know anyone else in this area and I am truly alone without her, so on top of the unbearable grief if I lose her, I will be utterly alone in unfamiliar surroundings. I am not really religous, do not attend church, but I am not an aetheist either. If she dies, I do not want to live, and the only thing keeping me from taking my own life is that I fear being punished even more by not being able to see her in an after life. But I do not think it is possible to survive this, the pain is too much.