girlfriend troubles

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by hideousman, Mar 27, 2010.

  1. hideousman

    hideousman Member

    my current (on-again, off-again) girlfriend says that we can't be together because i treat her like a trophy and don't like doing "work" for our relationship. she says i only like having the idea of a girlfriend. this is so untrue though! i love her with all my heart, we do go to schools in different cities but i've never gone over a week without seeing her at least once, i make a point of talking to her all the time while at school but it's never enough. i come back home from school and spend all my time with her, my family hates me for being so unavailable to them and she says that i spend too much time with friends and that i don't take our relationship seriously. last month our phone bill said we spoke for +60,000 minutes, but she still has the audacity to say this about me. I live on res and she doesn't so she gets lonely (having no roommates) i have to ask her permission to hang out with friends, go out to eat, what i can get to eat, and even go to the bathroom when we're one the phone!
    i'm not saying i'm the best boyfriend in the world but i'm trying my best and i'm afraid it'll never be enough for her.
    it sucks. i love her more than anything, and she just doesn't think i do... what do i do?
    she's the love of my life and when we're good i'm so happy, it's just when she starts to feel unsure about the relationship / me that things go to shit and i get depressed.
    the last time she broke up with me i lost 10 pounds in 3 days...
    i have a heart condition and am afraid that this relationship is killing me...
    but i don't know if i can live without her.
    she means the world to me and even thinking about losing her makes me sick to my stomach.
  2. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I was thinking about answering this post, but I figured since I'd never dated before my advice would probably be wasteful. Seeing that no one else has posted yet, I'll share some of my thoughts and maybe it'll get some other people to share theirs.

    I personally think your girlfriend is being unreasonable. If you really have racked up 60,000 in minutes talking to her and you're family hates that you're always with her then chances are you're probably doing more than enough to give her the attention she needs. Quite commendable because you study far away from each other. I think you're really going to have to point this out to her and ask her what her idea of "spending time" with her really is? What is she expecting? Might as well get an idea about this.

    Also, the fact that you need to ask her permission to hang out with friends or eat is kind of ridiculous. If she respects you she should give you some manoeuvring room to experience the university life. Your girlfriend is a big part of your life, but she shouldn't be the end all, be all. Right? You should have the autonomy to make friends and make some of your own decisions.

    Just my two cents...clearly you're really into this girl. I hope it works out best!
  3. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    this may sound harsch, but have you considered the posebility that she is using 'something' as a reason to end this relationship?
    sometimes people have the habbit to do this because they cant find any nice/friendly way of expressing that they dont feel attracted to one anymore.
    about ten years ago i made meself guilty of doing this, the girl was hurt alot and kept asking me what she could do to change herself to fit my expectations. gosh i was so stupid at the time. four years later the same happend to me, the girl admitted this two years after we broke up. i wont say this is happening to you, but if one side has made up his/her mind it is very hard to fight in trying to save the relationship.
    i also had once a relationship were we called for hours every day, it wasnt very healthy and pretty damn expensive. probably due to the factt that we both where to jealouz and thought like 'well if we keep calling at least i am sure she isnt seing anyone'.
    a full month has 720 hours and you called 60k minutes which is equal to 1000 hours :eek:hmy: .
    is this the bill for an half year ? i know you probably dont like to hear this but i find it not healthy.
    could you have a good converstation with her talking about saving what you both have going ? please talk to her and let us know how it went.
    it is clear you love her alot
  4. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Am I missing said you have to ask permission to see your friends? Read your quote below.

    It will NEVER be enough for her because it's ONLY about her. She likes stepping on you and you are allowing to be stepped on. That's the excuse "I don't believe you love me!" She's a stroker.....don't play with her web and get caught up in it.....those kinds of women are not the healthy relationship type. In fact, being an enabler is not healthy either.

    Us women call this "Pussy whooped men"
  5. hideousman

    hideousman Member

    correction: it is +6,000 minutes for every two weeks
    i kinda messed that up, but it i still feel as though that's a lot

    i do really love her and want to fix things

    we talked about what we were doing and she said that i'm not at "her level" in this relationship, because she only wants to spend time with me and i would still like to be able to go out with friends and stuff

    she said she'd wait for me, but it seems as though every time we "break up" it's just her using scare tactics to get me to change so i don't lose her.
    the reason i say this is because she said "I guess it's really over this time" when we last spoke and I was under the impression that I feel like she's just playing games with me and expecting me to change into this person whose only priority is her.
    While I want nothing more than to be with her I would like to have time with friends, and just time having fun rather than sitting in a stairwell talking to her for hours at a time (literally every day) while my roommate and our friends get to go out and have fun.
    I love her and obviously want to date her, but I'm in first year university and am not ready to completely throw away my social life outside of our relationship and I really feel as though she isn't either, she's just in a different situation where she doesn't have as much opportunity to see friends.
    i still don't know what to do... but i really do appreciate the help from everyone