I suppose this should go here.
[[I'm sorry. This is so inappropriate. Please do not even read it if your have weight issues.]]
This is so tragically random I know, but god is it eating me up.
So everything in my life is slowly falling apart. I know that. But I wasn't prepared for this. I did sort of expect it but not really, if you know what I mean. I knew it was a possibility but well, I never thought it would actually happen.
Anyway I'll get to the point. My eating habits are so far from normal that even I don't understand them, never mind anyone else understanding them. I feel at my fat fat fattest right now. I know this is ridiculous cuz I'm not. I've weighed myself and things aren't so bad in the scales department. Most of my clothes are a lil big on me. But that's not the point.
The point is I just measured myself. Boob wise I mean cuz I noticed my boobs are a hell of a lot bigger these days, despite the fact I've lost weight :confused: Oh god I'm disguisted to even write this. Ok ok see the thing is yes my boobs are bigger. A good thing I know.
BUT my back has gone up too. :depressed [[34 to 36]] I don't get it. It's so unfair. Why????
I don't want to be a 36. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to.
My best friend is a fucking 28. She can't even get bras. I'm gonna have to go to shops for "larger ladies" to get bras. I can't believe this. I don't want to. NO! I can't be 36. NO WAY! THAT'S JUST NOT FUCKING FAIR. NO PLEASE NO. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
I keep re-measuring myself. Hoping this time it'll tell me I'm still a 34. Or even better, back to a 32. I've measured with bra, with bra and t-shirt, without bra or t-shirt, with pyjama top on, lying down, breathing in. WHY???? Why me???
I know how trivial this all sounds. And I'm sorry. I really am so sorry. But I've convinced myself that maybe if I thread about it, it'll all go away. I won't actually be a 36. God everytime I say it I want to be sick. :yuk: Fuck! I can't believe I wore skinny jeans tonight. They are for skinny people, of course. Not people with a fucking 36 inch back [[technically not 36 but when in bra context it's 36]]
I don't even know if I can post this. To let people know how fat I am. I can't take it in myself still. I still keep re-measuring as I post this. But it's still coming out the same. OHMYGOD. What did I do wrong? I don't want to be 36. I want to be 34. NONONONONONONONONONONONO.:cry2:
[[So sorry for wasting everyones time. And for all the bad language. I'm just gonna go measure myself a couple hundred more times, cry till my tummy hurts, not sleep, then in the morning probably start another stupid fucking eating disorder related diet :stop: Oh for gods sake. I've got no fucking cigarettes. ]]
[[I'm sorry. This is so inappropriate. Please do not even read it if your have weight issues.]]
This is so tragically random I know, but god is it eating me up.
So everything in my life is slowly falling apart. I know that. But I wasn't prepared for this. I did sort of expect it but not really, if you know what I mean. I knew it was a possibility but well, I never thought it would actually happen.
Anyway I'll get to the point. My eating habits are so far from normal that even I don't understand them, never mind anyone else understanding them. I feel at my fat fat fattest right now. I know this is ridiculous cuz I'm not. I've weighed myself and things aren't so bad in the scales department. Most of my clothes are a lil big on me. But that's not the point.
The point is I just measured myself. Boob wise I mean cuz I noticed my boobs are a hell of a lot bigger these days, despite the fact I've lost weight :confused: Oh god I'm disguisted to even write this. Ok ok see the thing is yes my boobs are bigger. A good thing I know.
BUT my back has gone up too. :depressed [[34 to 36]] I don't get it. It's so unfair. Why????
I don't want to be a 36. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to.
My best friend is a fucking 28. She can't even get bras. I'm gonna have to go to shops for "larger ladies" to get bras. I can't believe this. I don't want to. NO! I can't be 36. NO WAY! THAT'S JUST NOT FUCKING FAIR. NO PLEASE NO. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
I keep re-measuring myself. Hoping this time it'll tell me I'm still a 34. Or even better, back to a 32. I've measured with bra, with bra and t-shirt, without bra or t-shirt, with pyjama top on, lying down, breathing in. WHY???? Why me???
I know how trivial this all sounds. And I'm sorry. I really am so sorry. But I've convinced myself that maybe if I thread about it, it'll all go away. I won't actually be a 36. God everytime I say it I want to be sick. :yuk: Fuck! I can't believe I wore skinny jeans tonight. They are for skinny people, of course. Not people with a fucking 36 inch back [[technically not 36 but when in bra context it's 36]]
I don't even know if I can post this. To let people know how fat I am. I can't take it in myself still. I still keep re-measuring as I post this. But it's still coming out the same. OHMYGOD. What did I do wrong? I don't want to be 36. I want to be 34. NONONONONONONONONONONONO.:cry2:
[[So sorry for wasting everyones time. And for all the bad language. I'm just gonna go measure myself a couple hundred more times, cry till my tummy hurts, not sleep, then in the morning probably start another stupid fucking eating disorder related diet :stop: Oh for gods sake. I've got no fucking cigarettes. ]]
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