I'm 19, in college, and depressed. I have been since high-school. Mostly because I haven't been able to do anything with my life, all the jobs I have applied for have turned me down, and no ones likes me. I used to be the fat kid in high-school. I went from 340 lbs to 180lbs. But still, seemingly despite of that drastic change, the opposite sex just turns me down entirely. Today I got rejected for the 13th time in the last past year. What made this particularly worse was that I thought she actually liked me. But that's unimportant, what is important is that I hate myself. I hate myself because for the longest time I have wanted to kill myself but been unable to bring myself to do it. Not that I've had many opportunities, but when I have had opportunities to kill myself I squandered them. It know I'm being an asshole, bitching about how I can't kill myself on a suicide forum, but I hope people will understand my circumstances before they judge. There isn't much of a future for me, and in 6 years nothing has gotten better. 6 years, my entire teenage years, and all I've felt is depression. I'm and ugly, friendless, virgin, that will never amount to anything. And despite all this I just can't kill myself, even though I know I deserve to die. Sorry for the rant.