"Give it a try" said the heart.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sly, Mar 6, 2013.

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  1. Sly

    Sly New Member

    I'm 19, in college, and depressed.
    I have been since high-school. Mostly because I haven't been able to do anything with my life, all the jobs I have applied for have turned me down, and no ones likes me. I used to be the fat kid in high-school. I went from 340 lbs to 180lbs. But still, seemingly despite of that drastic change, the opposite sex just turns me down entirely. Today I got rejected for the 13th time in the last past year. What made this particularly worse was that I thought she actually liked me. But that's unimportant, what is important is that I hate myself. I hate myself because for the longest time I have wanted to kill myself but been unable to bring myself to do it. Not that I've had many opportunities, but when I have had opportunities to kill myself I squandered them. It know I'm being an asshole, bitching about how I can't kill myself on a suicide forum, but I hope people will understand my circumstances before they judge.

    There isn't much of a future for me, and in 6 years nothing has gotten better. 6 years, my entire teenage years, and all I've felt is depression. I'm and ugly, friendless, virgin, that will never amount to anything. And despite all this I just can't kill myself, even though I know I deserve to die.
    Sorry for the rant.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 6, 2013
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially the part about rejection. I seem to be rejected by everyone that I like. It has made me not want to try to pursue a relationship anymore, when I'm always shot down. So I know all too well how that feels. I hope that being here will help you, because you are sure to find support here.
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Sly...maybe there are underlying problems that should be discussed with your doc or a therapist...I know many people are not the best at diagnosing themselves...it is worth a chance...welcome and please continue to post and let us know how you are doing
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you consider life coach hun or therapist that will help you increase your self esteem and decrease that self hatred It may even help you in a relationship en devour We all need help at times hun Medication for depression but look into something that will help pull you out of the darkness some ok hugs
     
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