Give me a reason to continue living.

I screwed up my life and I don't ever see it getting better. This reality that I am living is a nightmare.
And the only time I ever truly feel at peace is when I think of dying.
I know when I die all this resentment, anger, regret and loneliness will no longer matter. I'll finally be able to get away from this f**ked up life and world.
I don't see a future. I don't see a way that things can be fixed or that I will ever get over what happened to me and all the wasted years.

I already have a plan. I just haven't set a date. I figured out a way to kill myself the most efficient way possible.
I tried thinking about my family but everyday it matters less and less to me. I have no friends and I am distant from my family.
I am just angry and bitter about how my life has turned out and so hopeless.
I want to know what purpose all this suffering is for. Because it all seems so pointless.

 

John, I wish I could. It is so easy for me to mourn the deaths of those killed in yesterday's bombings. It is so easy for me to find value in the lives of others on this forum, even when they cannot seem to find it themselves. Why then does any value in my own life, that others might point out to me, ring so hollow and without any merit?

“There are as many reasons to drink as there are drinkers. There is only one reason to stop; because the drinker wants to.” [The Country Wife]

 

Wow. Not that this helps, but I can completely empathize with you! I feel like I am in the very same place as you...mentally, emotionally, practically (plan in place, the means...just haven't set a date). I too am distant from family and the while it tears me up inside to this about what my suicide will do to my only (adult) child, he has his own life far away and mine is empty, meaningless and painful. I wish I didn't have anyone at all - it would be much easier to "pull the plug" on my life.

Well, not very encouraging, but you're certainly not alone!

 

A reason is you can change where you are at You can reach out and get supports to help you to help you get out of the depression to help you get on a different path in life. You don't have to fight alone hun coming here for support is one step another is to reach out to supports you have in community as well. You are distant from your family well shorten that distance by reaching out to them hugs

 

Everyone here has given excellent advice, but I'd just like to come at this from a different perspective.

A reason to live: anger. When life is agonizing and seems it's all meaningless, get pissed at it. Like, if you die, the meaninglessness wins. The depression wins. Since you're here, you want to fight it. That may be your reason. You're fighting it by posting. By still harboring some hope. You are stronger than you think. Fuck the depression. The agony. Fuck it all. It's a bastard pain in the ass. It's your arch enemy. Kick its ass...

 

Wow......when you reach a point where you don't see anything improving that truly is a dark place. Can you give more details on your situation? Meaning what exactly happened in your life and why do you feel your at a point where you cant see it getting better? Sometimes other people can see realistic options that have a good chance of really turning your life around that you may not see so please explain if you can. Don't worry, Im not one of those people that will tell you it will be okay no matter what. So your not wasting your time explaining. If after explain it looks like your situation is hopeless I wont bs you.