I screwed up my life and I don't ever see it getting better. This reality that I am living is a nightmare. And the only time I ever truly feel at peace is when I think of dying. I know when I die all this resentment, anger, regret and loneliness will no longer matter. I'll finally be able to get away from this f**ked up life and world. I don't see a future. I don't see a way that things can be fixed or that I will ever get over what happened to me and all the wasted years. I already have a plan. I just haven't set a date. I figured out a way to kill myself the most efficient way possible. I tried thinking about my family but everyday it matters less and less to me. I have no friends and I am distant from my family. I am just angry and bitter about how my life has turned out and so hopeless. I want to know what purpose all this suffering is for. Because it all seems so pointless.