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given up for good

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ok i've been suicidal for a while now, i've just been waiting so that i can perfectly plan it, i wrote a suicide note, i sent it to everyone on my email contact list. if i go back on it now, noone will ever see me the same again, thats why i did it, to push me to do it. i really have given up on life, i can't go through it anymore. no friends, no hobbies, anything, i have nothing anymore. i had a boyfriend for 3 months but he won't talk to me anymore, even when he said i could always talk to him about anything, he just gave me no reason for not talking to me. i was very confused until i realised it must be my fault. it just hit me, i've always done that, everything is always my fault, i'm not normal so people treat me differently, they take advantage of me because i'm a weak person. i don't want to put up with it anymore. i just needed somewhere to vent and someone to listen to me, seeing as noone else will.
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Yeah, I think soon it will be my turn too. I'm so confused and frustrated. I not only want the pain to stop, but I don't deserve to live either. Anyways, sorry about your boyfriend and stuff. Hope things could've been different for you.


Well-Known Member
Perhaps he had a different reason for not talking to you, perhaps it was to much for him to handle and what he thought he was strong enough for he actuly wasnt. Sometimes its to much for people and when that happens you just need to find someone else. It wasnt you fault, its not his fault either, hes just not strong enough, and you cant change the way you or other people feel no matter how much you or other people want to.

Friends can always be found, you just have to step up and reach out, and as for hobbies, decide to start something new! Look at groups in your area and see waht sort of things intrest you, or what about things around the home? like gardening? a lot of people have things they love right in front of them but are just to used to them that they dont realise.

As for the suicide note, you can always go back on it. Perhaps it will be good if people look at your differently because they will see how you really feel and probably even find things to help. If people know, you can get help. Does anyone offline know how you feel? have you thought about seeing a counsellor?

I hope you find the help and support you need here, we're all here for you and this is the right place to vent =) take care and never forget that happiness is as close as you want it, all you have to do is take that extra step!

Ally _%
i already explained to him before we went out that i was bipolar and anything could push me over the edge. i called him a few days ago on a different number and he sounded suprised to hear from me, but he sounded like he was having fun and didn't bother to ask me why i was crying. how could he be that mean?


Well-Known Member
i called him a few days ago on a different number and he sounded suprised to hear from me, but he sounded like he was having fun and didn't bother to ask me why i was crying. how could he be that mean?[/QUOTE]

Often people think they can deal with things but when the are actuly put in the postion they realise that they cant, that its to much. He mightnt have noticed you were crying, that probably sounds harsh but its happened to me before, my friend was telling my other friend that she wanted to commit suicide and i knew that it was all my fault, i was on the phone to my boyfriend and his friend and neither of them knew i was crying until my friend took the phone of me because i couldnt talk and yelled at them for not noticing/... these things happen... Did you tell him you were upset? sometimes you have to answer the questions before he asks them..

Take care love, ill reply in a couple of hours as class is starting. ALly _% x
he said he would text me later on and he didn't. i texted him the next day to ask why he didn't text and i got no reply which isn't like him. it's been days now and i have noone else to talk to and it's really killing me.


Well-Known Member
Like i said before, perhaps its all just to much for him, like he feels hes not strong enough. Were all here for you, you can talk to me and anyone esle on SF, thats what were here for. why dont you think about joining a group of some sort to meet new people? What drove you to the next level, from feeling depressed, to suicide?
people often say they "know" or "understand" or "can deal with it" when they don't and can't. i have a girlfriend and she said that she understood when i sat her down and explained what i go through on a daily basis. a few months later she started dismissing my moods and started saying i was just trying to be difficult. so i sat her down again and told her i wasn't trying to get attention or anything, i was serious and this was me. she admitted that she didn't unnderstand but would be willing to. since then we've talked quite a bit and she is becomming more understanding. it's still bumpy, but we're working together.

sounds like that guy wasn't willing to put in the effort to get to know the real you. he just ran.

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