Since the last time Ive written, it only seems to get worse. Ive given up all hope that Ill improve my situation. Just over a year ago I was in this exact position, and I ended up planning for almost 1 month, going down south and attempting suicide. I had thought it was a flawless plan, and I truly wanted to kill myself, even if I was happy that day or something. I remember the feeling when I had put through the final plans... relief. I was actually happy that the pain would finally end. Now im in the same position as before, and I know where it's going to end up. Ive slowly told others of my depression in last ditch effort for help, but my hope that anything will help me now is small. I already have a plan in place to kill myself, one that again should ensure my death. I think the only reason im not going through with it is that small hope that somehow a miracle will come along that will help me get through this. If it wasnt for that I would surely have been dead this past sunday. Unfortunately, even this small chance of hope is slowly diminishing every day. At this point I dont know what I can do in such a desparate time to change my mind, or even if i want to. I doubt Ill last another week at this rate.