Given Up

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by spidy, Jan 10, 2013.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Sorry but 20yrs of putting up a brave face and being strong has taken its toll.I dont know what to do how to help myself let alone anyone else being able to help me.My peer support asked me today what could they do i just shrugged because i dont even know now what it is that i need or what i can do.Been fighting back tears all day christ knows why but i feel as though i m going to break down anytime.Everything is confusing the hell out of me really ive just about given up.I cant keep going through everyday like this ive tried getting my shit together many of times talked with my gp gone to groups done all the self therapy crap yet cant shake these fucking low moods.I do dwell on some of the past which i cant help it fucked alot of my life and trust up yet still blame myself for letting that shit happen.I just dont know anymore I look at myself and feel like a piece of shit and when i go anywhere I can feel ppl looking at me thinking the same.I feel everything is against me including myself and seriously i have no more fight i m worn out.Last few months ive just had ppl taking advantage of my good nature and now thats put me in a predicament finnacially and emotionally.I have 5 more days at my exes place helping with the kids then i go back to my home which i cannot at this point be sure if im going to be safe.I feel very unstable at the moment.I will be locking the world out though as it does nothing but cause me grief.I dont even know why i m posting this as really whats the point as i feel like nothing and as you guys know been here for a while and I just seem to always fail in getting better basically what my life is a failure and i have tryed to make something of it just never succeeded.I m falling apart sorry.
  2. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    Hi Spidy,

    Please don't apologize for having these feelings or reaching out for some help/support. It's great that you feel comfortable writing it out and letting us know. I can totally relate to what you are feeling and being tired and at the end of your rope trying to stay on top of all these feelings.
    Sometimes we just have to be able to say "Enough!" and try to find some other way to deal. You didn't say if you have tried any medications to help with your low moods. Sounds like you have been stellar at trying everything else that you can and are working really hard to overcome. I hope you can give yourself a pat on the back for that!
    I really hope you can find some contentment and peace soon. Hang in there and keep reaching out anytime...
    I hear you.

  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx Westeria i do try very hard yet i seem to fall easier lately.Ive lost lots of trust in ppl also.I appreciated the chat last night thankyou.Bassically when i go back home i m just going to isolate myself
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are struggling so hun dam depression takes all energy away i get that You are not a failure hun please don't be so hard on you ok hugs
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx Eclipse
    I have a classic example from today
    I used to like tinkering with shit so today i decided it was time to unrestrict the kids little 50 quad.did research on google blah blah then got three bolts in and couldnt do anymore.Basically got confused couldnt concentrate then got angry at myself.WHAT THE FUCK simple task and i cant even do it.Other bike need bit of a carby tune up piece of piss yet i cant get my shit together.I want to do these things yet i just cant for some reason.I just cant cope being like this.I m half drunk now thank fck my ex and hubby dont notice but only thing keeping me calm.
  6. Tia

    Tia Well-Known Member

    so sorry spidy.
    I am glad you posted this and that you're talking to us.
    Don't feel bad about not being able to do that.. you are in a crisis and dealing with so much, it really can make us unable to do things we usually would be able to do. At least you tried!! that is what counts.

    you are not a piece of shit at all and trust me people don't think that of you. Your depression likes to make you feel everyone around you is thinking these things, but those thoughts are lying!

    im so sorry you have been through so much in the past, and still going through alot. But please, don't hold onto mistakes you have made. you learnt from your mistakes, and we all make them

  7. Tia

    Tia Well-Known Member

    how are you feeling today?
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