I decided long ago that I would take my own life but would wait until I really did have nothing left to live for. Up until now I know I have wasted my life, I am over weigh but healthy, my problems are mostly self-induced. I have never been happy with my body or myself and never fitted in to society, all my life I have longed to be someone I couldn’t be. I have spent most of my adult life watching Anime and playing computer games, using them as a way of escaping reality. Because of my low self esteem I could never hold down a job and at one point I ended up in prison for five years for attempted robbery, since I came out I have been unemployed, spending all my time in my fantasy world. I have lied to my friends, trying to live out my life online and I have lied to myself trying to believe it. Nothing ever changes for me, I have nothing to live for, no goals to achieve. I cannot continue on like this anymore, I have told my friends I am leaving the online community but not what I am going to do, I cannot and will not tell them. Next week I am going to leave my home and not come back. I don’t know why I am here on this forum to be honest I am beyond help; I think I just want someone to know the truth.