Woke up this morning with thoughts of suicide. I can't stand being hated by everyone especially my own family and the people I used to think were my friends. Their cruelty has been unreal. Probably deserved though. Of course no one hates me more than myself. I hate the sound of my voice. I can't look in a mirror. Nothing I've done has changed a god damn thing and I'm just tired of trying. I'm tired of being this living joke. It's like I'm only alive for people to abuse and I don't serve any other purpose. Fuck this. I'll try to shake these thoughts off if I can. It's still early. But I don't know what I'll do today. I have no friends left to visit and nothing to do. It's back to the same shit again. Nothing matters and no one cares. I can't live like this anymore. There's no reason to.