I can't see any future for myself and I've lost hope that things will change for the better. I'm going to spend the rest of my time preparing myself mentally and getting the materials I need for my methods. I regret my negligence about methods in the last couple of years, if I had done research and kept myself informed it would be easier now, but my silliness of trying to live under dubious hopes distracted myself from the reality and only delayed the inevitable. I have to accept the world as it is without fantasies, it's a cruel and unjust world that I don't have any will to live in. I repudiate the thought of having to continue living in insecurity without any perspectives of a better future. If there's no point or conditions worth living, I won't have any problem in exiting, and I know that's what is going to happen in a near future.