Giving Up On Friends/People

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by yous, Sep 14, 2010.

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  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I have made a goal this year to try something different with myself that I never had before. And that was to go out and try to make friends.

    Okay, not so much as literally make friends, but try to make some sort of civilized acquaintance with strangers and well essentially see where it goes.

    Of course it all failed on me with a few heartaches and headaches.

    However, I told myself to not give up. And so those who had stuck around longer than others, I tried hard to fight for to keep.

    But nobody seem to fight for me. Get it? It's like I was the one always doing the pursuing or complimenting, working on my end to try to get their attention to maintain the relationship whatever that may have been.

    It's not like I expected anything....okay well why do anything without expecting at least hope???? I know I'm pathetic, but I tried hard to see positive and have some fake sort of self esteem.

    I had this belief that all people were self-absorbed, rotten, and mean. I tried to go out to see if this was true. It was. I got hurt.

    Anyway, after the rant above, I am wondering if I should just give up? Is it ok to be alone for the rest of my life and be independent and lonely??? Will I be ok without people?

    I was so depressed without people, I'm angry and confused with....and now sometimes regret and hurt....

    How do people do it? Keep up with their social circle? How do they put up with the many egotistical, selfish, rude people that people are? Are people really willing to put up with this just for the sake to be able to say, "I have friends?" So sad.

    Why can't people just be understanding, nonjudgmental, caring?? Is it really that hard to be human??

    Thanks for letting me rant.
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I'm currently struggling with the same issue at the moment - getting hurt after attempting to open myself up to people.

    It's up to you though if you want to spend your life lonely and without people. Personally i think that would be just as equally as painful, so personally i keep trying.

    I'm sorry that you've had to go through this though and i hope you have some genuine people come into your life very soon.
  3. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    Yup, people can be very self-absorbed and mean, but its up to you to figure out which ones are good and mix with them accordingly. See, I always maintain my distance with the ones who are not the kind of people i can get along with, and be nice (not too nice) to those who are better people. If you give away too much and be the one who is always complimenting etc then people will get on your head. There needs to be a balance.Thats how you socialise i guess.
  4. bmavxps3

    bmavxps3 Member

    You will not be better off without people. I believe humans are social creatures, and it's programmed deep in our genetic code to require other people. Don't take your "quest for friendship" so seriously. I know I speak for myself when I say that nobody likes to be friends with someone desperate for attention. Try to make friends with a more "play-it-by-ear" mindset versus being set on establishing relationships.
  5. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    That's great advice, thank you. Yes I will try my very best not to take meeting people so serious as to establish any sort of true relationship. I just wish humans did not have to rely on other people for their entire life well -being (jobs, support, etc).

    I would do fine if I could get a job on my own that pays well and I can be independent. I would do fine if I didn't get depressed.....I hate the fact that we are social creatures built inside.

    I guess I got think there is nothing wrong with being alone. Nothing wrong with it.
  6. bmavxps3

    bmavxps3 Member

    Let me tell you, I was unemployed since last June. I fell behind in my bills and my debt is now easily over $5,000. Being unemployed is suicidally depressing, I've been there. But you'll get a job, keep searching. Shoot me a message if you ever need to vent. Once you get that job, things will get so much better. Lol, even though my job sucks, I'm not nearly as depressed.
  7. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    You are right how not having a job can be suicidally depressing. I have been out of work for a very long time. But you did mention even though your job sucks....I've worked for about more or less 10 years in several jobs off and on that literally suck. They don't go anywhere, people were mean, I was bored out of my mind on some, and the pay was lousy if at all - this all in turn in a long run made me the suicidal depressed person I am today.

    I see what you mean by getting a job, but I hate for it to last for long term.
  8. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    I find that people who have deep relationships, really enjoy people. They don't do it to punish themselves, they will literally go crazy if they had no one in their lives. They would rather do without a lot of things than not have people in their lives. They seem even to plan their lives so that they can encounter and keep people in their lives.

    They really enjoy human company. Betrayal, conflicts, lies and bad things, they tend to see as part of the stage of life, and if it happens to them, it seems to make them get more reasons to communicate to their other friends about their misery. Just what I could see.
  9. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I'm not one of those apparently that would go crazy if I don't have people, but I do understand the need to have them for certain reasons. Just I am not able to find a person who understands me. Everyone is superficial, you know?

    It's like sure I can go out and meet a handful of friends and have a deeper relationship than just acquaintances, but they never truly know me because we are all busy being self-absorbed and showing off or asking pity that you really don't know a person unless you live with them day by day 24/7. And that may cause arguments to happen.

    I don't need conflicts right now. They will only fuel to my mountains of conflicts. I try to be happy for everyone that I know, but sometimes that takes a toll on me when they don't realize they are taking advantage of me and I allow them to be used. I can only take so much abuse before I need to distance myself and recharge and then be happy for them again.
  10. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    I understand what you are saying, yous.
  11. ProperlyLast

    ProperlyLast Active Member

    I've observed that even the most social people, in any stage of their life, only have a couple close friends.

    If you meet someone like that, you'll eventually realize it. And the best part is, even if you don't see them for years at a time, you'll know you can meet up with them and tell your tales.

    Ah man. People aren't usually self-absorbed, we just live in a society of really high and complicated walls. Tell people about yourself. I've learned the most intimate personal things from people I hardly knew because I was willing to be open and friendly.

    But of course there are douchebags as well, and people like us, who hurt too much to even want to try sometimes.
  12. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I agree with your post.

    I really liked this bit though. Stands out to me a lot.
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