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Giving up on life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cymbele, Sep 14, 2014.

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  1. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    Might as well. I kept going this past year because I thought things were getting better and that maybe my death would hurt those who care. But I was informed Friday that I haven't been performing well at work and termination is soon. So I give up. it is sad because I now have a life outside of work that I like. But during the last bit of unemployment I vowed to die if I didn't find a job and narrowly missed the window during which I was to suicide. I got this present job.

    But if I was to return to unemployment I would rather suicide than find another job in which I get the same message. So I'd better be prepared. I tried to call my therapist - I hadn't talked to her in a year - and she's on a month long holiday. But if I am to suicide she wouldn't know and the pdoc wouldn't know - I'd just be another former patient. so who cares. I might as well end and so have been trying to mentally prepare myself all weekend for the end of my life.

    Don't say things will get better again because they won't. Maybe if they do at all, it would a short upbeat and things will go down anyway. I hurting and really scared at the moment. Ready to buy the final ingredients.

    Hope they cremate me and scatter my in the woods somewhere.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    cymbele i hear you and iknow you are sad i too have failed at may last two positons just did not have it in me i guess The thing is you do not know what tomorrow will bring you you do not know hun if the next positon will be the best one for you Do not give up on YOU ok don't do that. Does your therapist not have someone that covers for her if not you call crisis lines or go to hosptial and talk to someone there. Many here have been where you are and have gotten themselves through it me being one and you can too ok

    Reach out now ok for some help talk to your GP even i would care ok if you left don't leave us ok stay here and talk to us until you get support hugs
  3. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    First of all, please give yourself a good hug for hanging on there for the past year. I hear you - I feel your pain and your fear. My job prospects have been bleak too - I can't put down on my resume any job that I've hung on for at least a year.

    You are not useless. You are strong in your own way. You've tried calling your therapist and that's a good sign - you know you need help as quickly as possible. Please consider approaching another therapist who is available to listen to you. I understand it may be tiring and all that to repeat your history again. However, what's important now is to get help as soon as you can. You are not alone. We will be here to offer you a listening along the way.

    Keep posting. Take care.
  4. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    I talked to the pdoc - who always offered help for when I'm in crisis - and he didn't understand. I told him I didn't think I'd do anything immediate - of course not - the final ingredients have been ordered but not delivered - but I found that I'm paralyzed at work. I have half conceded defeat and part of me wants to keep trying. He didn't calm me down like the therapist does; he just pointed out that I have said in the past the company is in financial trouble and I probably should look for new work. But I have been looking and to no avail after being there one year. He knows that.

    So I am alone in my struggle. Except for here. And I need to face the fact that I am a failure.
  5. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hi cymbele it is likely that you need someone who can help you with the job looking process - to help identify your strengths and weaknesses and walk through with you how to improve further. I approached a government agency a few times and it didn't work out but I'm still glad I did as the officer in charge did help me to refine my resume further.

    You have one year of working experience. To me that shows you have promise - you can achieve even more if you can overcome this current situation. You know what's a failure? Knowing that one is a failure and giving up for good. You are not a failure, cos you still have part of you that wants to keep trying. Please don't give up on that important part of you.
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