I don't really know where to start. I don't know whether what I'm doing is giving up or giving in. For once, I would like to sit down and not have pessimism poisoning every single thought I have. I now get migraines which I can't really relate to anything but a symptom of my depression. I'm an absolute moron, I keep thinking to myself, 'You need to let your family know what's going on' but I'll have a mental fight about it and end up sh-ing instead. I sort of don't want to stop doing it. I hate one of my jobs but I can't stop doing it because I need the money. I hate the hours. Nightshift. Great for a depressive. Being on your own for 10 hours at night when I usually fall apart at home. Long story short, I can't be bothered with making myself better. I guess you could say it's reckless, stupid, that I'm an idiot for even thinking like this but, I don't see the point in trying to make myself better and to stop sh-ing. I just get worse.