I am new to the forum. But here is a little about what is going on. Last night I took every klonopin I had in the house to get some sleep. My days and nights have been very mixed up lately. I woke up really depressed and have decided to give all my worldly possesions away. I have a few people coming over today to look at some stuff. I know this isnt a good sign, but I have been in the mental health system for four years and I was doing good for a while, but someone screwed up my meds and I have been without them for about three weeks now. I am trying to cut all attachments so it will be easier to overcome that pesky will to survive thing. Plus my apartment will be cleaner! heh. There are some people that I know will be upset when I die. But life doesnt stop for anyone and they will eventuall move on. I have three children and am most worried about them. But they havent lived with me for two years now. So. I am sure it wont be that hard on them. I realize there is nothing anyone can do to help me and that I am utterly alone in this world. I just want to get it over with. Be done and at some kind of peace. The emotional pain is extremely hard to live with and I dont want to do it for the rest of my life. I cant see a life where I struggle everyday and pray every night for some god to take me. I am fairly young and it seems that I have a lot of pain and suffering in front of me. I am really tired. In body, mind, spirit. Nothing brings relief and I have given up on the 'tomorrow will be better' because for the most part its not. I hope I can get rid of my stuff. I am giving it away for free, so it seems it should just go. People like free stuff, right?