Can't fight anymore. Can't smile anymore. Can't hope anymore. 34, sexually molested when I was 11, nobody believed me. Had to keep and see this person after that as he was a member of my family, and everyone was treating him like a king while me I was dirty and feeling so empty inside. My parents never told me they were proud of me. Always tried to do everything to please them. Had an abortion because they put me in the condition of choosing between their love and being a mother. I've been so stupid. I can't have my kid back... Always scared to be myself, to fail. Tried to kill myself 3 times when I was in my 20s. Thought I was lucky they saved me. Now I am not so sure anymore. My brother told me I am a pain in the neck only a few days b4 Xmas. I chose not to spend it with him and my parents. They did not say sorry. They thought it was not so offensive and on the contrary they justified him. I am alone. I spent the last 5 years trying to be a wife, my husband was violent and a liar, didn't want to have kids. After I found a job I took the courage to get the divorce. I am still terrified and feel he's watching me. The job I love is temporary. It will end in 2 months. I am not able to communicate with people anymore. I am too scared. I am trying to go back to uni again, but I just got a rejection. I don't have friends. I am eating and smoking a lot. I feel ugly. Just want to go to bed, sleep, and don't wake up. I don't want anyone to see me.