Giving up.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nada, Feb 2, 2008.

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  1. Nada

    Nada New Member

    Can't fight anymore.
    Can't smile anymore.
    Can't hope anymore.

    34, sexually molested when I was 11, nobody believed me. Had to keep and see this person after that as he was a member of my family, and everyone was treating him like a king while me I was dirty and feeling so empty inside.
    My parents never told me they were proud of me. Always tried to do everything to please them. Had an abortion because they put me in the condition of choosing between their love and being a mother. I've been so stupid. I can't have my kid back... Always scared to be myself, to fail. Tried to kill myself 3 times when I was in my 20s. Thought I was lucky they saved me. Now I am not so sure anymore. My brother told me I am a pain in the neck only a few days b4 Xmas. I chose not to spend it with him and my parents. They did not say sorry. They thought it was not so offensive and on the contrary they justified him. I am alone.
    I spent the last 5 years trying to be a wife, my husband was violent and a liar, didn't want to have kids. After I found a job I took the courage to get the divorce. I am still terrified and feel he's watching me.
    The job I love is temporary. It will end in 2 months. I am not able to communicate with people anymore. I am too scared.
    I am trying to go back to uni again, but I just got a rejection.
    I don't have friends. I am eating and smoking a lot. I feel ugly. Just want to go to bed, sleep, and don't wake up. I don't want anyone to see me.
     
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm sorry for what u been through hun :hug:
     
  3. rigor mortis

    rigor mortis New Member

    Don't give up.
    Occasionally people go though hell.

    I want you to get through this.
    Try and hang on.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sorry to hear about all of your losses. we're here if you want to keep sharing,
    c.
     
  5. Nada

    Nada New Member

    Thank you all.

    Hopefully I just needed to let it out somehow. I will try and stand up and fight again.

    It could always be worse.

    I will try and think about a way to fix my life.

    If I give up, then they were right, and they are not!
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry things seem almost impossible for you now, I do hope you find the strength to pull through, and we are here for you when you need us :hug:
     
  7. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Life feels tough but hang in there.
     
  8. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Nada
    You must be a very strong soul. I mean. You give people like me hope in that you still keep going after all these setbacks have befallen you! It took me many prayers to gradually be able to forgive my family because I realized that God put me in this family for a reason. I later came to understand with time that my parents only raised me the best way they knew how. They are not perfect, just like I am not perfect. I deserve mercy for my imperfections so do they. If you really come to think of it, they didn’t mean to take your baby’s life, hard to believe as it might sound, but you don’t have to believe me. If Life is a test, I’ll agree that Your lessons have been quite hard. Keep sharing.
     
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