I am have been quoted as "un-helpable" that was not true until a few nites ago when i hit rock bottom. I have given up trying to fight all the pain i was inside, i keep saying im gonna do it and i attempted then someone talks me down and i end up right back in my hole of pain. Nothing ever changes and have slowly been figuring that out. I was told from the very beginning that my pain would get better with time, that "time heals" but now I understand how much of a lie that is. Nothing gets better with time...time hurt not heals. Since I started coming here I have helped a lot of people hoping that a small bit of that would also help me win some of my battles against the demon called depression but it has not. I am not asking for anything anymore, not a friend, not a kind word, nothing as it only hurts people in the long run. U do not need me for ur world to go around and i do not need u worrying and causing more problems for yourselves. I have been there and altho I never complained, sometimes I hated with all my heart that i cared so much. My amount of caring and lack of brains have caused too much harm in the past and the present. I dont wish to cause any in the future. For all of you that assume im saying this just to SF is wrong cuz it is going to be posted on every website i belong to. Everyone will be told not just the people i spend half my life with. It will also be sent to people in emails so dont think for one moment that im targeting any one of u cuz im not. I am just saying what I have wanted to for a very long time but have been terrified to do so. I have been scared of criticism and agony that I knew others would inflict, however no one could cause any more pain than what i feel in my heart right now. If you wanna pm me thats fine, but dont expect me to get into a long winded conversation in the lounge or even say hello. Im not trying to be kind anymore, im not gonna be the nice, kind hearted soul that a lot of people took advantage of...not anymore. I have told many people to take care of themselves first well now im taking my own advice. I have to take care of me now, not in the way that a certain people want. Im gonna take care of me, my way. I dont expect anyone to read this or even get a response, I dont expect anything anymore. if i do get a reply thats fine but if all ur gonna do is criticize or tell me im wrong then dont bother, dont waste my time or yours. And dont for one minute think that this is a game or funny because it is not. Everyone has different pain and deals with it in different ways, just because someone has a similar pain doesnt mean ur "treatment" will work the same for another. Just remember this: When someone says you have no idea how i feel, they are correct you dont cuz u weren't there for their pain (whatever it mite be), u dunno how it hit them or how they deal with it. Step in their shoes just once and try and see what they see, feel what they feel. You wont be so cocky then, you wont think its all fun and games; you'll feel their pain as if it were your own. You'll see and understand why they deal the way they do. Why they cut or harm themselves.