giving up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    i dunno how i feel anymore, leaving the only other 'home' ive hand on here. dt was like the one place i could go when i was in trouble but being hurt so many times by the ones i would do anything for. i just cant anymore. i dunno what to believe or what to think. i dont have much trust for anything in this damned world. yesterday i was willing to protect and defend someone here til the end today i am not able to get out of my own way. i should be happy i passed my classes, i got thru christmas but deep inside am bleeding...its hurts deeper than it ever has. pain is oozing from the darkness of my soul; it doesnt take much to throw me over the edge anymore.

    i have never had a journal here before but starting to think the rest of the site would be better off if i retreated to a place where i cant hurt anyone or take up their time, best used for ones they can actually help.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please don't retreat you are important Youdo matter okay You are not hurting anyone here You are the one in pain and need compassion and understanding No one judges you here so please keep talking okay keep posting so we can help you. I know you don't feel strong right now but you will okay so hang on here until you do get some strength back:cheekkiss:cheekkiss
     
  3. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    often i feel id be better off secluded away from everyone else. i dont mean to hurt anyone but sometime sit happens and...it does matter how much time goes by i still punish myself for it. losing dt....i feel like i have one giant hole in my heart again...the hole i thought would heal from having a place i fit in...i had left here for so long i dont feel like i belong anymore....feels like im the fat fuck looking thru the glass but unable to come in.

    im sorry if this doesnt make any sense, maybe im just better off gone never mind just out of everyones way
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    oh i understand i do i never feel like i fit in anywhere and i have been here very long i always feel like i am sitting on the outside trying to get in. You do not need to isolate okay you are in pain and noone will hurt you here. I have not been hurt here unlike the other place i was before. Please know people care okay You are hurting now but you will see you do fit in here with people who can understand your pain hugs and more hugs please know that you do matter okay please
     
  5. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hello HandOfSorrow,

    Everyone matters includeing you!
    Seems like your feeling pretty low tonight :hugtackles: Everyone includeing you deserves to be in this lovely community, I'm sure many would be hurt to see you leave.

    It seems like you are in pain causeing you to feel very unwanted by the people who love you and are willing to help you, please talk to us so we can support you andd put youu outt of your misery you are still young and deserve a good liife, new year is heading up a year to start fresh and new. Is there something in particular that makes you feel like this?
     
  6. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    its a lot of things...little things that built up to be more than i can handle, grief, pain, lonliness all because of mom, betrayal from my so called friend both real life and on the net, broken heart from boyfriend and best friend walking away. been taken advantage of over and over again and cuz im 'so much like her' i put everyone before me. i dunno how to look out for myself or keep myself safe. hell when mom was sick all i ever knew and cared about was keeping her safe....and alive....now i dunno how to be or feel or think.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know you have lost yourself you don't know who you are anymore. All your energy was spent on others. It is hard to stop now and step back and try to take care of someone that matters just as much YOU. Start by getting some professional help maybe talking to your doctor see what he or she can do to help. Are you on medication for depression. Do one thing okay that will be the start do one thing only something kind just for you. Take you out for a coffee buy you something really nice start being kind to you then you will find who you are again and what you need okay I understand i do and i hope you continue to reach out here because you need the compassion and you deserve the kindness.
     
  8. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi. I don't know you or your circumstances but I wouldn't want you to retreat - those of us who feel like we don't fit in need each other. Please stay around?