Giving up

[kazoo]

Normally when I feel suicidal, i cut and it blocks the thoughts out, I can get through it. But ive promised someone that I wont cut and I havent for about 4weeks now but this weekend Im falling apart. The thoughts are so strong. And i cant understand it because ive been doing everything right to not feel like this but nothings worked.
Now ive just had enough, all I can think of is im off work for the next 9 days so no one would really come looking for me, plenty of time to not be found too early like last time.
But I cant get the thought out of the back of my head of not wanting to hurt anyone.

 

[jxdama]

i hope for the best.

 

[Pécheur]

Kazoo, I'm sending you some :hug: 's.
I hope you find the strength not to hurt yourself as I'm sure there are many people out there who care about you.
Please stick around for some support.

 

[Petal]

Hi Kazoo.. well done on not cutting for the past four weeks. That's a great achievement, you should be proud
Have you tried calling the samaritans, they're very understanding and will have experience to help you in what you're going through, please give it a try.
If you want you can send me a PM :hug:

 

[total eclipse]

were here okay keep talking let the pain out that way hugs to you

 

[kazoo]

Thank you for all your replies.
Make me feel like someone cares.
Ive been thinking more and more about it.
Im just so tired of fighting the thoughts all the time, they're wearing me down.
Part of me wishes noone cared, then noone would be hurt.
Im stuck between not wanting to hurt anyone and not being able to live like this anymore.
But all I can see is the hurt on their faces the last time
I just dont know what to do