Normally when I feel suicidal, i cut and it blocks the thoughts out, I can get through it. But ive promised someone that I wont cut and I havent for about 4weeks now but this weekend Im falling apart. The thoughts are so strong. And i cant understand it because ive been doing everything right to not feel like this but nothings worked. Now ive just had enough, all I can think of is im off work for the next 9 days so no one would really come looking for me, plenty of time to not be found too early like last time. But I cant get the thought out of the back of my head of not wanting to hurt anyone.