Ok, well 2 years ago i suffered a misscarrage and since then my health has just gone to pot. at first the doctor warned to say away from red meat due to me being unable to process the protiens properly, my body chemistry was out of whack and my hormones where all over the place, i tried but this was almost impossible. then last summer i was diagnosed as celiac and told my thyroid was underactive to point of collapse and i would be on drugs for the rest of my life and had to avoid wheat and gluten. I was sick and tired of being told what to do and what to eat at this point, i was crashing if im honest and i gave up, i ate what i wanted and i paid the price, my weight became unstable and rose dramatically. now im taking the levothyroxine and trying to follow a diet but without the bread and small amounts of gluten i feel drained and lethargic and it makes me miserable. Ive spoken to my doctor who says that it will take a while for my body to adjust and find a balance but in the meantime I hate myself and this makes me worse. i regularly break the diet and i am finding it impossible to get into a routine. When i told my doctor he sent me to a councilor who asked me a few basic questions, learned i had slit my wrists with intention and started fumbling with forms saying she couldnt deal with me and tried to fob me off with someone else,, i just walked out at this point. I spoke to the nutritionalist and she just gave me a sheet of paper with do's and donts at this point i was so peed off i started smoking, somthing i havent done in 5 years and now im stuck with it.... i know this is making matters worse and makes me feel like shit. i went to a therapist who started hyn, nlp and gea but that has just given me nightmeres-see previous post if interested-. in the meantime works gone to pot, the need for money is crushing me into the floor as im the one who deals with money,from earning to paying the bills, my partner had an affair that i found out about and although its just internet stuff he told this person he loved them and now i feel i cant trust him and everyday i feel like im loosing him and the battle to stay alive. The house is turning to complete shit and i either haven't got to the time to sort it due to work- which i cant stand and it is riping me apart doing it- or i dont have energy and just want to relax after work plus every time i gut the place its just a matter of days before it gets like it again and something else either breaks or gets destroyed. My mum is impossible with money so every bit i get extra i end up giving her as she has my kids at the moment and she needs food electric exc,, i cant see them going without.. its just all too much and I want to give up. I had to sell my motorbike a few years ago to get a car and pay for my test so i could do stuff with the kids and i loved my bike but i needed the car like i said the kids and work, my uncle has given me a bike i can pay for in small increments and normally this wouldnt be a problem but work has pitted off to nothing and im struggling like fuck to get it sorted out. i like the bike but im also scared of it, its been so long since i have ridden and i want to get back into it but lack of money, and my deteriorating health are tearing me up. I NEED SOME HELP and i know i do but the doctor is no use, my mum has enough on her plate and my partner is crashing in his own way, i feel like im trying to hold everything together but its all slipping through my fingers.
My Vent,,,,,,,,, Today i want to smash somthing
My Vent,,,,,,,,, Today i want to smash somthing
