I know it's probably the stress of the week looming in front of me, but I've never felt like giving up before. There's always been something to give me a spark of hope, but all I can see ahead of me is failure after failure. I absolutely need to be strong for those who love me, but that need is becoming more of another one of those things to be stressed about. I can't show them at my weakest, because they'll feel like they're the ones to blame. But at the same time, I can't keep pretending. Why is it that whenever I go to a meeting with my psychosis team, I just smile and completely lie and tell them that everything's fine? I want to be able to cry in front of them without feeling stupid, and tell them that I need to get out of here before I completely snap. I'm absolutely terrified of snapping and losing my inhibitions, and I can really see myself heading in that direction. I'm getting all the help I need, but I'm not taking advantage of it like I should because a great percentage of me is still in denial. I feel like running away, but what good would that do? It would put my mind in more turmoil. I'm screwed, aren't I? Everyone's eyes are on me, wishing for me to get better, but I'm not, and I'm scared of admitting that.