Giving up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by loljenny91, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. loljenny91

    loljenny91 Member

    I know it's probably the stress of the week looming in front of me, but I've never felt like giving up before. There's always been something to give me a spark of hope, but all I can see ahead of me is failure after failure.

    I absolutely need to be strong for those who love me, but that need is becoming more of another one of those things to be stressed about. I can't show them at my weakest, because they'll feel like they're the ones to blame. But at the same time, I can't keep pretending. Why is it that whenever I go to a meeting with my psychosis team, I just smile and completely lie and tell them that everything's fine? I want to be able to cry in front of them without feeling stupid, and tell them that I need to get out of here before I completely snap. I'm absolutely terrified of snapping and losing my inhibitions, and I can really see myself heading in that direction. I'm getting all the help I need, but I'm not taking advantage of it like I should because a great percentage of me is still in denial. I feel like running away, but what good would that do? It would put my mind in more turmoil.

    I'm screwed, aren't I? Everyone's eyes are on me, wishing for me to get better, but I'm not, and I'm scared of admitting that.
     
  2. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Jenny, I understand yours fears. But perhaps it would be better to be honest with health care team? That way they can help and support you?

    I am here hun if you need to talk. :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I understand running and hiding i do that alot hun but the only way to get yourself healing get feeling better is to be honest with you health team okay.
    Everything will be kept confidential between you and them Open up okay tell them how hopeless you feel so they can give you back some hope hugs:hugtackles:
     
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hey Jenny!

    I had a problem with opening up too in the past (and still do sometimes), and I had a teacher who told me to just "be honest with myself", whatever that means.

    I, like the other posters above, hope you open up more (just baby steps, one step at a time, the truth about how you're doing doesn't have to all come out at once). :hugtackles:

    Seeya around in chat. ;)

    Alex
     
  5. chipper

    chipper Well-Known Member

    you're courageous enough to admit your are scared. that's a lot better than denying everything.

    think about this way, this too shall pass