Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emetic, Feb 21, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Emetic

    Emetic New Member

    I stopped looking in the mirror six months ago. I thought avoiding one of the three things that made me depressed would make me feel better, but if anything, it’s only made things worse. I’ve been housebound on and off for eight years and I have absolutely no friends – online and offline.

    I’ve been socially impaired for most of my life. Things got progressively worse after I started home schooling. Now it’s been two years since I graduated. I feel like I'm jogging in place while most people my age are moving forward. I feel trapped. There’s nothing I could say or do to convince my family to get me help. We don’t have insurance and we’re in debt anyway. And why should I fight so hard to do something they’re so adamantly against when I barely have the strength to get up each day? I’m tired of being a failure and a burden to my parents. I don't know how to articulate how I feel or what I'm going through and I think even if I could, they'd never understand. There's so many things my mother has done to me that she's never going to be able to face. It's so shocking how she doesn't remember abusing me. I wish I had someone else to talk to about this... someone that would not accuse me of lying, someone that would let me get this shit off my chest without telling me that I'm dwelling on the past. The past is what made me the person I am today. How can I avoid it? I try to avoid it every single day, but the aftermath of the words and things she did to me still sticks in my subconscious.

    I’ve spent so many years trying to help myself. I can’t do this on my own anymore, but there’s no one willing to listen or help me. I derive absolutely no pleasure from life. And in my family I’m not even allowed to cry without starting an argument. It's not considerate to cry. I’ve tried every suggestion in the book and yet I always end up back here -- alone, socially impaired, and hating my body ten times worse than I did before. I’m literally trapped, physically and mentally, and there’s nothing else to do. I'm tired of living my life this way. I am so fucking tired.
  2. lordchao

    lordchao Member

    I can't say that I can relate because I'm sociable and was never abused like that. However, you've made an effort in my thread to help me and you were absolutely right about it. I'm here to let you know I am here for you, ALWAYS. Don't hesitate to PM me and things. I would love to speak with you.
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    First off... welcome to the forum, Hun. I hope it helps you some. I know I have met some great friends on here. If you ever need anything, just let me know and if I can't help you, I will find someone who can/will.

    :welcome: :hug:

    OK, I wanted you to know I understand a great deal of the things you are going through. I was abused a lot as a child (sexually, physically, emotionally).. My mother and family didn't want to admit the abuse and neglect I endured. I dropped out of school when I was 15 because I was so anxious and afraid of people and their intentions and so many things I had to drop out, I had a nervous breakdown. After that I didn't leave often, to the store and etc. But.. I have so many issues, but agoraphobia and depression are 2 of my biggest problems.. I know very rarely leave my apt, maybe once twice in 2 weeks, therapy, and groceries, now and then go to my friend, Brenda's. But I understand what you mean, it's hard...very very hard. To be trapped inside, how you go crazy but can't deal with it. I am so very sorry all this happened, you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't deserve it, no one deserves abuse, even though your mother won't admit it, you know the truth, and she will have to face it sometime in her life. Sooner or later, we all do. I do really have friends, besides my lovely family here and my one friend on the outside of the computer. But I have a precious gift to offer you, the best possession I have. My friendship.

    Hang in there, I hope to see ya around and hear from you soon. If you have yahoo or MSN, you are more than welcome to add me. Yahoo: tha_cross_woman and MSN: painNsiolence@hotmail.com oh and skype: painNsiolence

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    ~Glad you are here,
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2007
  4. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Hold on hun, hope you can make some friends here, that will able to give you the support u deserve, dont give up. Sending my caring thoughts your way, love Beret xxx
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Social interactions are learned skills, meaning if you desire them, they can be aquired...we view ourselves as considerably more damaged as we truly are...I have a considerable background in teaching social pragmatics and would gladly make some suggestions if you desire...Welcome and plez PM me if I can help...big hugs
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.