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Go gentle into the good night.

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I haven't posted in here in ages, after the moderators just banned me...and well, frankly I haven't been coping very well. I came back here as a pathetic last resort.

I forgot when, that my heart died and all reason of mine screamed at me : Keep your heart in check, girl, keep your heart in check. Never cry, never weep, never do yourself harm because of others that doesn't give a ratass about you.

And I tried, but I failed.

My family has put me into cold storage for about a week now. Yes, it might seem short - but I've seen this coming when that bitch over at my house asked me to die two years ago.

I've seen it coming when she threatened to slit my wrists so that it would save her face.

I've seen it coming when she kicked me out of the house.

I've seen it coming when she looked at me with the deepest loathing in her eyes.

I really hate how I succumb to my family's unreasonable demands over and over again, when I know that they hate my guts and all - snickering behind my back and telling just about everybody how I cut myself and I am a self-harmer and such.

I can hear them, ya know - and it hurts trying to fight back my tears and pretending as though I can't hear them at all.

I really hate how much I am doing for my siblings even though they are such snobby little fucktards. How I try to support them when they had a falling out with that bitch, and then they turn their backs on me.

This is my major examination year, and the stress is really starting to get on me.

I've done so much...is it not enough? Am I stupid, like what she says? What am I?

I feel like I'm a broken cassette tape player - repeating what I do everyday even though it's damaging me.


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Hang in there hun, this time will pass. Get thru your exams and then think about getting out and making a life of your own.
It's so hard when you are financially dependant on others and you have to put up and shut up; but this will get better as you get older and financially independant.
Meanwhile, get some help with the SH, that is not a path you want to be on.
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