Please, I know this seems trivial (and excuse me if my tone seems flippant, it's the only thing keeping me from doing something desperate), but I need some advice, and I have no family nor any friends, and my psychologist lives in a different country. I am Australian who works at The Worst International School in the World (I'm not even kidding, I've met people around the world in random places like the Taj Mahal who have heard of us and told me this) in the Worst Country Ever. I'm pretty much exiled here because I tried to commit suicide 7 years ago when A) my fiance walked out of our flat, taking all my stuff, never giving me a reason as to why he broke up with me (as if a piece of shit like me deserves an explanation like normal person!) B) the religious school I worked for fired me (basically because A - no p3nis person by my side probably meant I'm gay right?) C) the doctor I was seeing for depression threatened to lock me up in a mental home forever if I didn't give him what he wanted, and the psychiatrist I was seeing (paid for by my step-father) backed him up D) my narcissist step-father told everyone in my family to stop talking to me because I'm a fvcking ingrate for wanting to take my life, my she-hulk abusing adoptive mother backs him up E) I have no friends (literally) because my shitty, abusive upbringing means that I'm terrified of meeting people and when I do meet folks I send off PLEASE ABUSE ME rays that attract dickheads who fuck me over in the worst wys Long story short, I ran away and took the first shitty job I was offered here. I've been here for nearly 6 years now and I hate every fvcking second of it. In the last year I finally conquered my fears of mental health professionals (thanks to people here) and got a psychologist, but he lives in Oz and we Skype our sessions. Basically I have sort of said I was leaving this job in December and I have until this weekend to confirm; however, I have made no effort to try to seek another position because I'm terrified and because I have two abusers for supervisors this year (they remind me of mum and step-dad in their coordinated human velociraptor attacks on me, actually). I have become increasingly depressed these past 2 months, have not done any of my admin work (due today) and have taken 6 of my 10 days off, including yesterday. My question - do I just go in in the next two or three hours and say fuck you, I still haven't done any of the stuff I was meant to do by the deadline? Do I stay I at home and try to get stuff done (hasn't worked before)? Do I stay at home for good and just research ways to end my pain? Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this or replies - I'm just rubbish at decisions.