well feeling better lasted all of about half an hour. Now i'm laying here feeling shit again, just in despair. I'm looking at this pill, this one solitary pill that would make me feel like a million bucks. I don't have any problem with taking them, I don't care if it's considered abuse, I don't care if I get addicted, if I'm a happy junky then that's fine by me. The problem is I only have 2 left, and I can't get any more for at least a fortnight, can I justify it? what if I feel even worse tomorrow, or the day after? I tried taking some of the diazepam I was prescribed earlier, before it's worked ok, but today I just ended up miserable AND dizzy. This is rediculas, I mean why should I bother continuing when it's so obvious that I'm broken, it's like flogging a dead horse, I mean it's not like I have any meaning or purpose, or a reason to be here, I do nothing all day everyday, I barely even manage to keep myself alive, although the irony being that I am doing, if I stopped taking the insulin I'd probably by dead within a couple of years at the most, geez imagine that, a suicidal person who gives himself regular injections in order to stay alive. I found out earlier that someone I knew when I was a lot younger had killed himself (not recently, but I just heard about it) but all I can think is if he can do it why can't I? People commit suicide all the time, what the hell is wrong with me? I don't enjoy suffering like this, and it's not like I have any real hope of getting better, what do I hope I can achieve with my life, I'm seriously in debt, I can't work or study, I hate everyone and everything, the woman I love won't even talk to me, what life can I ever expect to have? My mum attempted suicide when she was 16 .. I wish she'd succeeded.