God dham it

[voices_inmy_head]

Seems to be my way of speaking lately,

I find myself coping less and less lately, for the first time ever I actually want to cut myself, I cant cope with anythign

I want it to be over and done with, I want to finally be done with it.

I am so tired. Please just end it.

If I could risk hurting others I would drive to my death, but no, god dham me cant risk others, I am so sick of caring, why cant I ever think about me, take what I want? Why? Why? Why? WHy?

Why must I always be miserable? Why cant I just finish it

Oh fuck it, I am so angry I want to swear and scream FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT!

 

[voices_inmy_head]

I cut, for the first time ever and the hurt, the sight of blood, feels so good, control over it, its amazing. its cut through all the hurt.

 

[voices_inmy_head]

What is the point? Im so self-destructive

I end every possible relationship, i drink, i have now cut and am loving the rush, i have one friend,

all i have stopping me is my family,

i got blood on my wrist from my leg, it looks so beautful. i want to make my wrist bleed, it would be so wonderful

my family stops me, i cant hurt them, i should run away ... i want to die, it would be great, i want to die. I want drugs, i want stuff to hurt me, i want, i want, i want.

 

[Reki]

Sorry to hear that, what's going on? For what it's worth, if it's alright with you, you have two friends now. =]

 

[voices_inmy_head]

For the longest time now I have wanted to die, only one thing, ok two has kept me back, my family and the chance it could get better, i have been waiting for 5 years now, wether i am stopping myself, or life really hates me that much it hasnt gotten better, I cant even get weed anymore, I want it to end but cant make it, I am so weak.

I want it to end, it will never get better so i want it to end.

god why wont it end. Make it stop, make the pain stop. I want it to stop

 

[voices_inmy_head]

I would love more friends but people dont want me in their life, and the few times people want me in there life i drive them away. why? why do i drive them away? Is it cause I know being around me is no good? Why? I have lost all meaning i dont understand.

why why why why why? Why always me? Why why why whyw hyw?

 

[voices_inmy_head]

I am going to die soon, I understand it, I am never going to make it back to amsterdam, I am never going to see another birthday, If i get my way I am going to die soon, I am so but so happy, to finally understand it is how it is, every day I get a little bit closer, and a little bit more clam, nobody around me understands, a few understand I have a drinking problem but nobody sees this.

I will die soon, and I am laughing, I finally understand. It is just a matter of time, the blood on my wrist is not from my wrist but will be soon.

its so beautiful, blood on the wrist, ive always loved blood. its so beautiful.

 

[Alastair]

why do you want to make it back to amsterdam?

 

[voices_inmy_head]

My friend said for her birthday we should go back to amsterdam, I was almost happy in amsterdam, I didnt get to see the flower market with all the tulips

 

[Alastair]

why do you not return?

 

[voices_inmy_head]

Because I dont think I will be here in april

Anyway for now I must sleep, sleep is required to 'pretend' tommorow

goodnight

 

[Alastair]

and what is required for salvation?

 

[Reki]

Cats are good for salvation. Cats are nice.

 

[voices_inmy_head]

I have cats, quite a few actually.

 

[Reki]

I have cats, quite a few actually.

Then you automatically rock.