God fucking damnit! Fuck this! Fuck life!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aoeu, Nov 10, 2008.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    The fantasy that was holding me afloat came crashing down last night. I have no reason to live. I hate being me. I hate being alive.
     
  2. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    well i had a similar experience last week, though it wasn't the only thing i'm living for. is there no other fantasy you can have?
     
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't want to have any more fantasies. I'm tired of the false hope. I just get let down time after time. I've been harboring this particular one for probably 15 months, but it's good and truly fallen through now. I've had a lot of other fantasies since then, but they've all resulted in let-downs, too. I have no reason to live.
     
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Maybe I'll just go out and get some alcohol. I'm a cheap drunk, it'll put me to sleep in no time at all.

    Ugh... I have school work to do... I have a presentation on Thursday. I have an essay to do for a couple weeks from now... I can't deal with this right now. I can't be irresponsible and avoid reality, but I can't fucking handle reality.

    The only emotional support I had left is the source of my problems. I can't do this. I don't want to be alive.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2008
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    In this current bout of depression I've stopped working and going to school all together. Thank goodness I have a saving account to cover rent and bills. But I haven't been to a class since mid-October.

    I haven't left my room, let alone my house for more than two hours a day. I think in the past three weeks my cellphone has been on for a total of six hours. And drinking, well, I write so I often drink.

    I say you should do what feels right to you. My best wishes in dealing with the consequences of isolation though:biggrin:

    Best,

    James.
     
  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I'm isolated to begin with. That's the major source of my troubles. I have no friends... I had two, but they're gone now.

    Why don't I have a sharper knife? A more powerful sedative? Anything at all?
     
  7. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    can u talk about what ur fantasy was is there no way u can do it at all? i'll still try to do mine even after being dealt a devastating failure.
     
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    iI wanted to get back together with Sarah, maybe marry her
     
  9. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    well thats allot diffrent from wat mine was. i hope u can make it thru this.
     
  10. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    YEAH,' the alcohol helps a lot. D might make itp. That s probaly an oad d typo for "I" but I1m on a dvorakkeyboard'
     
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    aLSO, iHOPE i DIN'T MISS SUPPER, BUT THAT'S IN 3 HOURS
    mAYBE i SHOLD REEQUEST A ALATE PLATE SO d CAN EAT WHNEVER i WANT
     
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    RoH SNAP, CAPS LOCK i'm srry dod I find the button
     
  13. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Man, I don't know what all the hate about life was abbout. Life is great
     
  14. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Oh no, what did I sent to dmy therapist/ I know I sen tosmething to my terapist
     
  15. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    My gmail only refelcet sthat I've had a handufol of PMs
     
  16. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I really ohpe I didn't send that ym tnerapisth
     
  17. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    She is dating Brandon <edit - privacy>. I figure that should be a generic enough name to psot here withouw orry. She's "in a lerationship with Brandon or maybe Branden <edit - Privacy>" according to facebook. I want to fucing dye
     
  18. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hey, don't worry about girls, especially at your age, how many teens do you know that got married and had kids? Sure some, but not as many as those dating.
     
  19. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay, i guess it was too identifiable

    I love Sarah with all my heart. I've never olved anyone before, and I doubt I will ever love someone again. I haet my life.
     
  20. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    ID hsould probabl kcommit myself to a hospital. I kno just the one.3 They have a collection of books on prosthetics in their library, twich I would like to peruse.
     
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