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God hates me.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Why else would all this horrible shit be happening to me over and over again? WHY? FUck it. I am done trying, hoping and holding on. I am killing myself. I am killing myself. I am killing myself. I am killing my worthless self.
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    And on and on. So many different times I’ve thought it – “I want to die”. Sometimes I meant it, sometimes I didn’t. But when I look back on it, never did I really want my heart to stop beating. I just wanted the death of these various emotions that were hurting me not just emotionally but physically.

    I wanted the death of my lack of control over a world that is furious, and chaotic and beautiful and messy.

    And all of those things did die eventually. How small they are in the rear view mirror. And a little bit of me died with each one of them.

    But I’m still alive.

    A very VERY wise person said that...one that can always find me on a PM - you know yiou can come through this - the above proves it.

    Let us know what's going on - you can come through it


  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have no where to live.
    I am so scared.
    I can't do this.
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    How has that happened - assuming this is a sudden change of events?
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Lost my house in foreclosure, cant find a place to rent, don't have a job, overwhelming debt, at the darkest place ever. Writing a letter now so whoever finds me will know who I am.
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Big hugs to both of you. :hugtackles: Hope you stay safe, swimmergirl. Take care...Mr. A
  7. Degenerate Escapist

    Degenerate Escapist Well-Known Member

    Do you have anywhere you can stay? Friends, family? Now would be a great time to ask for a hand. I know I read somewhere you were on your own since 13. It takes a lot to be independent at that age and you must have been a very proud person.

    Things just happen. People have made comebacks while being in similar positions. Think this through and let us help find something you can do to get back on track. We care.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Whatever the outcome of your situation please stay safe swimmergirl.
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    that would make you feel scared SG but don't give up
    it's not your fault the economy is ****
    I don't know what's in your country but are there any charities that help with accomodation in emergencies like yours?
    please stay safe *hugs*
  10. Please don't I feel the same way but I know that hopefully someone will notice well o notice I know in my heart that you'll get through this and so will I please don't I haven't had the pleasure to speak to you yet Someone LOVES you even if you don't know it
  11. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    I know this doesn't sound good but there are shelters. It would give you a place to stay while you figure out where to go next.
  12. cannolongercope

    cannolongercope Active Member

    Dear Swimmergirl.

    I read this thread this morning and thought about you throughout the day.

    I wish I had the resources to help you; a way to be your friend. I cannot imagine what I would do if I were in your shoes.

    I pray something good comes your way. I fear we will never hear from you again; your last post was you were writing a note.

    God loves you siwmmergirl.
  13. cannolongercope

    cannolongercope Active Member

    Where are you swimmergirl? Your last post was you were writing a note for those who would find your body.

    I think of you throughout the day. I can so relate to your pain. I wish I had a way to help; but I am barely able to pay my bills.

    You are not a worthless human being. Society is sick; society is the loser. It is not your fault you cannot find a job.
  14. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    Hope you're safe.
  15. cannolongercope

    cannolongercope Active Member

    Dear Swimmergirl,

    I think about you each day. You are in my prayers.

    My hope is one day I see a swimmergirl message. If I do not, I will believe you are in God's good hands wherever you are.

    In peace, love and comfort is how I envision you.
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope you are ok SG and just unable to access the 'net'
    we are thinking of you and hope to hear from you soon *hug*
  17. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Im not okay, i took too many pills, everythings foggy and all i do is sleep and take more pills.

    i need help, but I can't get any.
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    time to go to the hospital ER for help SG....we're able to call an ambulance here if we're suicidal
    please get some help asap
  19. cannolongercope

    cannolongercope Active Member

    I too am feeling hopeless and have no where to turn; there are no family or friends who care.

    I too spend the majority of my time trying to sleep; I have no pills to help as you do, but I too desire to not feel the deep depression pain and the pains that go with hopelessness.

    The majority of my pain is from my beloved 25 yr old son who suffers from mental illness. I no longer have the finances to help him as I did in the past; he believes that I am out to cause him harm and hates me; I have not spoken to him in over a month and I feel collapsed. I mail him $25 a week; it is all I can do and keep a roof over my head.

    There is no joy in my life; I am old; I am tired; I am hopeless.

    My prayer is something comes your way to help. It is possible; help could come to you.
  20. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    thinking of you and hoping you're safe :hugtackles:
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