I don't know if anyone will read this but I just had a very calming effect because I know the ending is coming soon. Only a miracle can save me however I'm not asking for a miracle because who the fuck am I to live while there are much better people in this world that need help. Of course I'm scared because no one wants to die but the darkness and pain are too much for me to bear. And I have only so much money for alchohl and drugs to numb the pain I have. Once that's gone I'll take myself out at an unspecifed date very soon though. If I'm still around I'll talk to you guys later.