God, help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ScarsandHopes, Nov 26, 2008.

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  1. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking too hard recently, yet again. Seasonal depression sucks ;_;

    I've started cutting again. Chain smoker and an alcoholic, titles have made me lose so many friends I used to hold dear. I'm scared that I won't make it through this season. I've lost my family's acceptance, my friend's caring eyes, my faith, and worst of all.. Myself.

    A quote that keeps coming to me is "I'm like a haunted house in daylight"...
    I've gone through it and interpreted it in so many ways.

    It means that I'm exposed, every that once made me who I am is gone and taken away. No one see's me for my true self.

    Or it means that I'm out of place, so much so that I should be torn away and just dissapear.

    I keep hoping, nay, praying that god will send me something to hold onto...
    I do realize that when we ask for fortitude god gives us an obstacle to overcome that makes us stronger.. But, there are too many obstacles, I just need like a roller coaster to something good...

    I've comtemplated killing myself every night for a long time, and I'm starting to lose the will to live. And it shows. I've become unattached to everything I've... No, just to everything. I can't take it anymore. My body's always tense, I'm always looking over my shoulder, and I'm talking to myself.

    I've been having these repeating dreams... When I was in the psych ward my second time, at around midnight there was a guy running through the halls screaming "Please, HELP ME!". It was because he had taken a spoon and carved the skin around his elbow off. The screams sounded exactly like something from me. In three simple words it explained 5 years of me life..

    I'm scared, I'll admit it. I want to die, I'll admit it. I'm not scared of dieing, I'm scared of losing everything I might get or achieve if I do die..

    Please, help me. It's too much to take anymore. God, help me...
  2. Pain&Sorrow

    Pain&Sorrow Well-Known Member

    you remind me of myself, besides the chain smoking or alcoholism.... though i would if i could...

    I feel im in such a dark place, and am suffering from this seasonal crap as well. I have nto felt this passionately abotu death before. Know that someone has read your story, and that they care, for I do. pm me if you wish.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Scarsandhope,
    Life sucks,but it is up to us to how it is going to turn out. I am suicidal, have been for years. My therapist has taught me how to put it aside dailey and to set goals for the day. Just getting out of bed Is a goal, because I just don't want to have to deal with anything. But I get up and do what I can to stay positive.
    Right now I am walking the thin line between life and death. I have a plan and a date set. If things don't get better for me by then it will be over and I won't have to put up with the shit my life deals me.
    I can't help you with god because I don't beleive in him. I follow the native american beleifs and beleive in the great spirit. He has plans for all of us. I also beleive in reincarnation. That he will send you back to try again to be faithfull to your self. Good Luck To You,~Joseph~
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