God, I want out of this life. Bible says that knowing what is ahead of us when Christ returns should give us the strength to withstand anything. I am tired of withstanding. I am a wimp I guess. I learned to hate myself when young. Because I was fat. I am 64 now, still fat and still hating myself. My eating habits have destroyed my body. Digestive system shot. Scar tissue on longs from 'silent gerd'. Hard time breathing, lump in throat, chest and back pain. Was disappointed when it wasn't my heart, cause that could have led to quick death. No such luck. Unless I do it myself. And that, unfortunately, is against every instinct. Never married. Lived alone for at least 40 years now. Cause you can't love someone else, or be loved, if you hate yourself. So I go on simply existing. Go to work to keep a roof over my head. Come home, eat, shower, sleep, go to work..... Such a life. Now I really can't even eat like I used to. Its like the last bit of pleasure has been removed from life. Interesting, that I am missing a pleasure that has destroyed me. Won't rant and rave any longer. I know long posts can be a drag.