god is telling me to commit suicide. ok, maybe thats a little far fetched. the voices are telling me to give up. my thoughts transcend to my stomach and the slow sensitive vibrations of me in my surrounding lead me away from humanity. everthing I feel naturally forces other people away from myself. my heart is telling me to run and seek solace. I envisage my death as a slow and lonely one in a place I am not familiar with. I think drowning would be the least painfull way to go for me. supposedly its quite peacefull. everything inside me is pulling away, detaching slowly. If this is not proof of god I dont know what is. this is so natural it hurts. the part of me that always is ignored, its inexplainable to people who haven't felt it. complete submission to the natural leanings brought on by spirituality. the more I pull toward controlling it the more it mocks my efforts. it wants me to die, and leave this situation. it is currently pulling my fingers away from the keyboard and sending me images of my own cold death.
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