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God Please Kill Me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Travis Chandler, Jul 10, 2016.

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  1. I wish god would kill me. I dont have a purpose in life. No matter how hard I try things always go wrong.

    I just sit here/lay here day after day nothing ever getting better. I have given up on this crappy life, I know I dont fit in. My mom and sister wish for my death and pick on me and take their anger out on me everyday, proving to me that people, especially women are evil

    If there is a god, he needs to quit making me and watching me suffer and send me straight to hell where i belong, no one would miss me anyway
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hi @Travis Chandler Welcome to the forum. They are some pretty intense thoughtsand feelings you are experiencing. Women aren't evil. Many many good women out there. I am sorry you are suffering so much. How old are you? Are you in therapy or seeing a professional?
  3. Razz

    Razz Active Member

    Why are your mom and sister wishing for your bother.This suprises me that even your own blood can wish for your death.
  4. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    Travis Chandler...I know what you mean about your mother and sister. I had a bright pair as well. They were one of the reasons I got out at 17 years. Looking back it was just a stage that they and I were going through and it didn't last forever. My mother carried the guilt of what she did and didn't do to me to her death bed. Evil thoughts, words and deeds are always repaid in full. Maybe not immediately, but as ye sow, so shall ye reap.
    A number of people in the Old Testament asked the Almighty to let them die when they found themselves in despair. Elijah was one of them. He fled from the evil Jez'e'bel and asked that he might die.

    ''But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers''.

    What you are feeling is not new, it's difficult, but not uncommon.

    As for evil. I could sit here and write for a week, but I think you are working that out for yourself. The problem with evil is we are quick to see it in others, but seldom see it in ourselves. Believe it or not, when we do sense that we can be evil in things we think, say and do. It's a good thing when we discover it, because we can then hope for a remedy.

    When you say things are going wrong. Would it be more accurate to say things are not going the way you want them to go? This is not necessarily wrong, in fact, it may well be right and for our good that we don't get everything we want. Apart from the emotional turmoil are you getting everything you need. Roof over your head, clothes, food, heat and drink? What we desire and what we need are often miles apart.

    Try something new. Just for one day agree with everything your sister and mother say. Use terms like, you are right of course, Yeah that's a good idea, I'll try that and thanks for the advice. Just do it for a day and see what happens. During the entire day do not take any of the bait they leave for you. Believe me when I say that the look on their faces will be all the reward you need.

    If any of this is of use then enjoy. If not just ignore it.
    lifetalkz likes this.
  5. I am 28 years old. No I am not in therapy.
  6. They are sexists, the whole family is. My dad died last october and ever since they have been on this anti male tirade
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm 27 so we're close in age. They might be sexist but that does not mean you have to join in. I think you should do whatever you can to make your future brighter. You seem like a nice person so please keep talking to us and letting it all out, we're a friendly bunch here and remember your thoughts are not facts, just thoughts!
  8. I know I am not the most pure person in the world. My mom and sister both think that because they are women that the world revolves around them. I have been in a relationship with a girl and she was VERY controlling. She had to know what I was doing 24 hours a day and I had to have her permission to do things. My mom and sister, they do not even acknowledge my ideas or really my existence. That is why i think women are evil. I also have a hard time dealing with others, like the internet company for example. Every time I have to call them about our service all they do is ignore what I say. Thats why i think alot of people are evil.

    I do think your post is very meaningful and I do thank you for your concern and helpful thoughts.
  9. Thanks, that is a good point. It is nice of you to offer me to talk about my feelings. I do feel safe talking here so I will definitely do that.

    I have a blog I am trying to get going, i have a hard time concentrating on it with everything going on here.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are very welcome. Problems concentrating is a classic symptom of depression so don't worry work on your blog at your own pace.
    SF will be here for you always. You are most welcome. There is also a chatroom here in the bottom right hand corner of the forum, you might find that helpful too. I hope your day goes okay, hugs x
    Travis Chandler likes this.
  11. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    If I had a dollar for every time I asked God to take me, I would be independently wealthy and traveling the world. But He seems to have other plans for me and I must make the best of things.
    I am sorry your family is treating you so poorly. I must agree with some of the previous comments that women are not all bad. Its seems you have just run into a bad crowd of them. As a she, I could make some pretty harsh comments about men, but I do know that there are both good and bad out there.
    I have dealt with depression and anxiety for years. Therapy and meds are worth checking out. But I have found the best thing to be getting up and around. Not just sitting and waiting for things to get better. Just waiting does not really accomplish anything. All it gives me is even more time to think about how bad life is. But if I get up and do something, it at least relieves my mind for a few minutes.
    Take care.
  12. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    When I was your age my life was a train-wreck-I had a lot of power within my grasp to change things but I didn't have the self-confidence to go out and try. I believed people when they called me stupid, ugly, a failure, etc. As I look back now it makes me very sad because now I know how wrong they were about me. I wouldn't use any of those sorts of terms to describe who I am today-in fact, today I live on an entirely different level of reality than they do. My suggestion to you is-don't believe what other people say about you. Their poor opinions of you are none of your business. If you packed up and left, my gut tells me that your mother and sister would start picking away at each other. It sounds like that is the only way that they know how to express themselves-it's too bad for them, but it doesn't have to be too bad for you too.

    Honestly-I would pack up, move out and inject yourself into a reality that does not revolve around the opinions of two people with permanent chips on their shoulders about you. They're entitled to their opinion-but that doesn't mean you have to sit around and listen to it. I would go out and make a new life for yourself-hopefully someday the three of you can come back together in a more respectful manner. There is much more to you than what those two people think and feel-there is more to you than anyone else knows. Go out and find yourself and don't allow yourself to get sucked into to what anyone else thinks about you. You'll be a happier person for it-I promise.
  13. I understand what you are saying. I do understand that in reality that not all women are bad. Ive just been messed with so much by women because of my weight. I did lose a good bit of my weight.
  14. Thats whats going on with me, people calling me stupid, ugly, a failure.

    I do understand what you are saying too, that i need to not listen to them
  15. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    I am a fat old lady Travis. Learned to hate myself because of it and it certainly effected relationships. It is really a shame that we put so much importance on physical appearance. How many lives have been destroyed by doing that!
  16. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    Sad but true.
  17. Right, that is a good point, we do put so much importance on physical appearance
  18. AndreaItalian

    AndreaItalian Member

    Travis, don t lose faith, remember believing god doesnt mean that you will have a easier life, life is a transition, dont hate god for what s happening, everyone has something special inside and life doesnt help most cases, find what you are special and use it, someone in the world is searching you and your treasure, dont let hate take over your life, "i aint mad at cha"
  19. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    There is a way in which women should walk (live and behave). The is a way in which men should walk. When either refuses to walk in the way they should, they go off track and face many dangers, tribulations and the attending anguish. There is a natural order that even creatures adhere to. Yet mankind prefers to change the order and just make it up as they go along. They call this progress yet you have experienced first hand its destructive effects.

    It is a sad fact that most young people are the result of parental relationships that have not given a good example of how to conduct themselves. Children instead of being nurtured correctly are taught bad habits and rebellion against good. The opposite of good is evil so you are on the right track in thinking these things. The results of which rebellion are more than evidenced in the posts on this site. The media have also given fictional examples of ideal lives. People like to live or long for a fictional existence while ignoring reality and denying the good that would bring them peace. Even when reality sets in and disappointments, fears, anguish and terrors abound. People will still walk in denial of what is good and embrace evil.

    Not a popular doctrine, but good is not and never has been popular, H.
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