God Punishing Me with Others' Unreciprocated Feelings

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by dreamer11, Oct 13, 2013.

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  1. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    See, nothing ever really goes right for me. I try to be hopeful, but I've lost my faith in God to help me anymore. I always think thing's are always just around the bend and like "well, maybe things will finally work out for me!" when they don't. i just grow more disappointed in the world. want more than ANYTHING is to make somebody happy and love me back. I feel like I've never had feelings reciprocated. Not even in elementary school.

    I'm an ESFJ, meaning I'm a caregiver and want to make people happy, but tend to blame myself when things go wrong. I don't know why things fall apart for me, I'm not perfect by any means but I'm a decent person usually with the right intentions. If I do wrong, it's only because I'm trying to make people love me and want me around. I know I'm attractive and I go to a good college. I'm an A-B student there and have a good officer position in my sorority, which is known to be one of the best ones on campus. I don't know why guys don't like me. I KNOW I COULD MAKE SOMEBODY SO HAPPY IF THEY WOULD ONLY JUST LET ME.

    I've only hooked up with a few guys. I'm always the one who feels stronger about the guy than he feels about me. I can't help but get my hopes up when things happen. I'm not a slut, I'm not too trashy to be in a relationship. It's not that I'm not respectable. Guys just don't want me. I don't know why. I've tried dressing sexier and being "more chill" especially about physical things but it still doesn't do me any good. I'm still a virgin as a junior in college, which is pretty embarrassing and doesn't help my case of being unwanted. I feel far behind and like boys want me even less as an older virgin because i'm a "prude," involuntarily. My friends and sorority sisters really care about me and want to make sure that I do it when I'm ready (which at this point i am) AND when the guy will actually stick around and care about me. I'm tired of being babied. WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT WHEN LIKE NOBODY ELSE IN MY SOCIAL SCENE DOES?! What makes me so different? I just want to be like everybody else. I'm in this sort of box where I want to be having sex and doing normal things for my age but no guy is really ever interested in me, so I can't, so I keep getting older and more pathetic. I DON'T WANT TO GRADUATE AS A VIRGIN. I'D SOON AS RATHER DIE.

    The reason I'm dishearted (again) is because there's this gorgeous, rich, smart guy who I've hooked up with a few times despite that he's out-of-my-league, and I was really getting my hopes up that I may be able to make this a thing, but my friend talked to his friend who found out he may be trying to move on soon from me and wants to explore other options (aka girls). OOOOOF. I'M SO FRUSTRATED. GOD MUST HATE ME AND BE TRYING TO PUNISH ME LIKE THIS.

    Even though I want to be like everybody else, part of me knows I'm different/special, but I don't know why or what for. All it seems to do is debilitate me. Does this even make sense? Part of me knows I have some important purpose or something but the rest of me just thinks, if that were true, wouldn't I know what I was supposed to do? Wouldn't somebody wanna be with me? Wouldn't I be more than an average student? The other part of me just feels totally hopeless and like I have no future. I think about the future and everything just look and seems blank. Everybody's applying for jobs and thinking about the future, but I feel like I'm so far behind even in college matters, how can I move much further?
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I do not believe in a punishing god. i believe God is all loving and compassionate. But bad things sure do happen to people. The idea of God is so comple. anyay, You said: "Part of me knows I have some important purpose or something but the rest of me just thinks, if that were true, wouldn't I know what I was supposed to do? Wouldn't somebody wanna be with me? Wouldn't I be more than an average student? The other part of me just feels totally hopeless and like I have no future".

    Somteimes the heart knows the truth that the person does have an important purpose. But then the mind has been so wounded and hurt that it makes that difficult. there is hope, as far as i am concerned. i would personally trust that heart knowing. and just keep working toward healing of the mind. you are not alone. Many awesome people feel so much rejection, etc. Its not because of who they are. The important thing is to not give up. just keep that heart voice alive. Because it is my personal belief that if we can keep that heart voice alive, we will find out that it was right all along.

    i live in pain. So I am not being preachy or anything. I know the pain of my life is intense. Anyway, I just wanted to respond to you. to tell you that i believe that part of you that knows you are meant for important purpose. And I do not believe that you are being punished by God :hug: Even though I do understand it sure feels like that. i think that someday that purpose will be revealed. i also think that for myself. Someday. It may be very different from what I could have imagined. Someday.....
     
  3. CUBBIEBLUE

    CUBBIEBLUE New Member

    God does not hate you, I used to think like that too. I felt so alone, abandoned, hopeless, and depressed. But it gets better, life gets better. Not everything is about sex, although it may seem like it. I understand it can be frustrating being a virgin. It seems like everyone else is having sex but not you. I was right there with you and I wish I did not rush into things with this one woman. Trust me when I say this, wait until you find someone special who does not care about your virginity but cares about you. Find out what you truly want in a mate and what makes you happy!
     
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