God what the hell is wrong with me??!

[Paleblue07]

My emotions are a rollercoaster. Sometimes I hit the deep end and hurt myself but then sometimes I can’t even remember my pain it’s a little frustrating. I’m such an insecure self loathing person it’s really pathetic, the smallest thing can set me off. Today, I sent a pic of a sketch to a friend (for me I’m very insecure about my art) and they noticed an ugly sketch of mine in the back of the page... I felt embarrassed. For some reason I’m so messed up in my head that I think
she did it on purpose because she thinks she’s better than me UGHHHHHHH!!!!! I know that isn’t the case but WHY AM I CRAZY??! Anything makes me feel like crap. My insecurities make me crap and I feel guilty for thinking that of my BEST FRIEND!! AAAAAHHH!! I want to die for being so defensive and crappy! When I’m like this I take it out on everyone around me and makes me hate myself EVEN MORE. I have so much rage towards myself that can only be managed with hurting myself. Why do I always think people have a hidden agenda against me??? I’m insane! I feel like all my life will ever amount is nothing because of my crappy nature. No one would care about me dying bc of this pathetic piece of crap I am.

 

[sinking_ship]

Low self esteem can really lead us to think some mean things about ourselves. And then it makes us think everyone else must think those same things. The best thing to do is try to slow yourself down when you have thoughts like that, and remind yourself how unlikely it is. Try not to be so hard on yourself. It's a hard habit to break.

 

[Paleblue07]

Low self esteem can really lead us to think some mean things about ourselves. And then it makes us think everyone else must think those same things. The best thing to do is try to slow yourself down when you have thoughts like that, and remind yourself how unlikely it is. Try not to be so hard on yourself. It's a hard habit to break.

Hello! Thank u for reading! I wish I could get over it. The fact of having low self esteem makes me feel pathetic and weak, so it really doesn’t help

tho thank u for replying!

 

[sinking_ship]

Hello! Thank u for reading! I wish I could get over it. The fact of having low self esteem makes me feel pathetic and weak, so it really doesn’t help

tho thank u for replying!

Well, it's pretty reinforcing that way unfortunately, bc if you make yourself feel bad for feeling bad...you just feel worse. That's why it's so hard to break out of. You are not pathetic or weak. It's a problem a lot of us struggle with.

 

[JDot]

You're not a pathetic piece of crap. I understand that feeling that everyone has a hidden agenda against you. But the truth is people are too concerned about themselves to do that. I think when our self esteem is low we have tendencies to assume people are thinking the worst of us. But it just isn't so.

 

[BlueGreen]

My emotions are a rollercoaster. Sometimes I hit the deep end and hurt myself but then sometimes I can’t even remember my pain it’s a little frustrating. I’m such an insecure self loathing person it’s really pathetic, the smallest thing can set me off. Today, I sent a pic of a sketch to a friend (for me I’m very insecure about my art) and they noticed an ugly sketch of mine in the back of the page... I felt embarrassed. For some reason I’m so messed up in my head that I think
she did it on purpose because she thinks she’s better than me UGHHHHHHH!!!!! I know that isn’t the case but WHY AM I CRAZY??! Anything makes me feel like crap. My insecurities make me crap and I feel guilty for thinking that of my BEST FRIEND!! AAAAAHHH!! I want to die for being so defensive and crappy! When I’m like this I take it out on everyone around me and makes me hate myself EVEN MORE. I have so much rage towards myself that can only be managed with hurting myself. Why do I always think people have a hidden agenda against me??? I’m insane! I feel like all my life will ever amount is nothing because of my crappy nature. No one would care about me dying bc of this pathetic piece of crap I am.

I can understand that. My self worth is a little too connected to my art. So I think it was maybe a bit odd that she commented on something else you showed her. But she may just have been joking and messing around?? Don't ever feel embarrassed about your art. I make loads of bad sketches and I've been drawing for decades. They help us grow and they are all part of making art. Keep on sketching, whether it's good or bad, just keep going and don't worry too much about what she thinks or what she might be doing because you are getting better at it all the time. If you get too insecure about it, just doodle. It helps to calm you. You are not pathetic, you are human - be kind to yourself