Alright, I'm going to try to make this quick: I'm currently going to start seeing a psychiatrist next week because my anti-depressants weren't working and were instead making me want to kill myself. My boyfriend has usually helped lend an ear and make me feel better when I went through one of my episodes, but lately I've been trying to not lean on him so much. So I end up usually refusing to talk about it until he pressures me into it and insists over and over that he does until I do talk to him. This is all fine and good. He is currently taking Adderall for his ADHD and has been acting like his old asshole self again. At first we'd fight all the damned time but over the years things haven't gotten MUCH smoother between us. He started blaming his asshole behaviour on his meds lately and to just let him know if he's taking it overboard. Last night, all he did was try to get me to cry and when I called him out for it, he got mad so I hung up the phone. Then i turned it off so i could sleep because i didn't want us to have another fight that'd last until 5 am. I'm starting to get really sick and tired of this behaviour. I'm no angel, but even I will admit when I've messed up. it's shit like that that makes me wish someone would kill me so i wouldn't have to deal with being alive, especially if this is what it means.