I had my last bout of depression back in 2006. I have had depressive feelings since but never as bad as back then. I used to self harm and I tried to take my life. Since November 2010 I have started slipping. It started with anxiety attacks. I used to get such horrible palpitations and sickness. Sometimes it would last for minutes, sometimes for hours on and off. At the time I was stressed with my workload and practice placements, but to me it seemed nothing out of the ordinary. I had nice shifts and was reasonably on top of my work. I then started to get frustrated with ym anxiety attacks and think I was useless and good for nothing. It started from there. I tried pushing my fiance away from me because I believed he could do better than a depressive like me. He stuck by me but I just feel lonely and helpless when he's not here (we are in a long distance relationship due to univeristy committments). I am not sleeping well like now, it is 3.16am and I have to be up for 7am. When I do get to sleep I wake up quite often during the night. My panic attacks have stopped. I got my workload in and had 3 weeks off for my christmas break and spent it with ym fiance and family. It somewhat relaxed me and I was beginning to feel a bit more positive. It all went to pot when he went home and I went back to uni. One of my friends is being a complete tard and hardly speaks to me. I am also fed up of going out with my close friends who I went to school with because everytime I go out there's always some malicious rumour about me, my fiance or both. I never used to care but it is tiresome now. My immediate family is supportive but the rest of my family is completely messed up and I suppose that gets to me sometimes. I have gradually started feeling lower and lower and my breaking point came the other day when my fiance wanted to finish me because he felt like he was hurting me and couldn't help me. I lot the plot and ended up cutting myself. I was so disappointed in myself and my fiance went completely ballistic when he found out. I had a session about self harm at uni and I ended up telling one of my closest uni friends everything. She gave me the strength to get myself to the doctors. My doctor has put me initially on Citalopram 20mg so I have got to give them chance to work I know. I just feel completely hapless and useless and I am so frustrated. I really don't want to be like this anymore. I can't see anything getting better either. I don't know why this has been brought on I didn't really have anything out of the ordinary happen to me. Perhaps its just me but heyho.